Don't lose the magic: keep the fire burning

Fire is good: It produces heat, gives light and produces energy that we can transform into many productive things. However, sometimes what people forget is that when not handled carefuly fire also has the capacity to destroy. It burns down property it and it can inflict pain on people both physically and sometimes emotionally. I’m a very passionate person. When I am into something I go all out… I do it as often as possible, I get so excited that day & night I think about it, I buy the best gears and try to be the best at it. Most of the time to the point that I burn myself out… This happens when I get into hobbies, work and even relationships and we can apply this even in marriages.

Is it good to have passion? I believe so… Didn’t the bible say in Ephesians 6:7 that we are to “Work with enthusiasm as though working for the Lord and not for people”? Isn’t that verse telling us to go all out and give it all you got? Yes, but there are also parameters that you need to keep and be mindful of… I’d like to point out some of those that come to my mind as I write this blog:

Go at a pace you can keep on a long term. Many people at first because of passion and excitement would go all out at first and die down after a few weeks because they wear themselves out. Isn’t this normally what happens to people? Yes, but is it the right thing to do? No! Most people don’t understand the need to control the fire so they don’t burn themselves out (or their pockets) in the process.

Also, going at a pace that you can’t keep is a bit like being a hypocrite. Why? Cause that’s not being who you really are. Example: Going all out in dating a girl, taking her out everyday just to impress her and treating her out to expensive restaurants to the point that you failed in your job and you get bankrupt because you were trying to impress her treating her in restaurants you can’t really afford. So what happens a few months later? Now you are broke and can’t take her out and the girl is wondering “what happened?” Here is what happened — you were living your passion at pace you can’t sustain and now you can’t keep up because that wasn’t really you in the first place. Make sense ?

For the things I am passionate about like scuba diving, photography, the bible, parenting, marriage, counseling etc. I push myself to be on top of my game. I never think that i’ve become so good that I don’t need to learn anything more. When you have a mindset of being the best, it’s not just the pressure of keeping yourself there that will attack you but also the pressure of whats the next peak you have to conquer.

In Marriage, continious education means attending pre-marital workshops and reading books on being a great spouse. Learn not only about how to be a great partner but know more about your partner.

If you put your heart into something and not think about how much you’ll earn or the potential income this will bring. Money will eventually follow.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to earn, but if this becomes your #1 motivating factor, it’s not much to take you far. Our grandfather established a hardware / electrical supply store about 60 years ago and it was one of the first establishments in Sta. Cruz, Binondo. It made so much money and my ankong was wondering why I never wanted to take-over the business — to me it was simple… I wasn’t passionate about it and If it’s just about the money, I can’t give my 100%.

How do you apply this in marriage? It’s not what you get… it’s what you give. How do you not burn out? Remember that it’s fun both to give and to receive.

Anything done over and over will become a routine. No matter how delicious a food is, if you eat it morning, noon and night you’ll get sick of it. What are you doing a bit different today or is everything becoming a routine?

Me and my wife – we try and check out new restaurants every monday and with every opportunity, we try and travel together out somewhere we both have never been to. We registered ourselves in RCI and thinking about intervals (time sharing) to force us to take a week off every year to recharge.

Watch-out:

Ok, maybe your problem is not you burning yourself out so this doesn’t apply to you. Wait! Did you know that most passionate and on fire people burn those around them out? You can the 4 points i’ve stated above to check the following: How demanding are you? Do you push people to a level which they can’t sustain? If you are leading — are you keeping yourself on top of your game so you can lead them better and have something to give, or have you become a lid that stops them from growing? Do you have an environment that people would love be part of or is it just about the mony? Do you breathe down their neck and inhibit then from innovating?

In marriage, are you so demanding and nag to the point you suck the life out of your spouse? probably always doubting, refusing to invest time, money and effort in the marriage. Are you enjoying marriage or simply enduring it. Do you even feel secure about your relationship?

With this, I pray that you guard the fire so you don’t get stuck in anything that you used to enjoy doing but have burnt yourself out in the process. I know how it feels — been there, done that! It sucked big time… I’ve seen them on people — they pray for something and when God gave it, they feel it’s their curse. God bless…