Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
-Song of Solomon 8:4
What a beautiful verse which reminds us that love, when rushed can burn you but love when allowed to bloom on its own, can last a lifetime. It makes me recall the stupid mistakes I committed when I was young.
By the time I graduated from Grade 7, I’ve already had 3 girl friends. By 1st year, several more were added. By the time I was 26 and getting married, I’ve already had 50 relationships. I don’t know if that’s the Padilla blood in me but one thing is for sure — I had a problem distinguishing real love from infatuation and today, I realize that I made mistakes because I’m an action guy. I quickly jump into a relationship simply because “I feel” instead of testing what that “feeling” really is.
I know God allowed me to go through this so that I can help other people. So here are my tips for you, regardless of whether you are male or female, young or old. I hope that my children, as well as other people, can learn from this too.
- Build a friendship first.
A lasting romance will always have a good foundation of friendship. Most of the time, romance without a friendship base becomes a short term fling or even a one night stand. Why? Because you jumped into a relationship with a person you hardly knew. So during the time you’re expecting to love and be loved, discover your differences first. Sometimes, even your premature relationship cannot withstand that. It’s purely based on what you felt at that moment (which is usually wrong). Allow the “honeymoon” feeling or the excitement of finding someone to subside first before deciding on whether to take the friendship one step further.
Friendship is not a guarantee of a lasting relationship but you can be sure that a lasting relationship is based on friendship.
What I love about my wife is we mean it when we say we are best friends. I am proud of that. We have great time together and enjoy each other’s company. We always joke around that when we are old and weak, we know we’ll still get a good laugh just by talking.
Allow your relationship to blossom into a real friendship before deciding where to go next. When I say “real friendship” it means you being able to show who you really are without being conscious or afraid that you (that includes all your flaws, issues and baggage) might turn the other person off.
- Don’t entrust your heart to someone too quickly.
Mr. Big says it this way: “Oh baby baby, it’s a wild world. ?I’ll always remember you like a child girl. You know I’ve seen a lot of what the world can do, And it’s breaking my heart in two. Cause I never want to see you sad girl. Don’t be a bad girl.”
Sad but true. The reality is that the world is full of wolves waiting for its next victim to devour. You may feel secure because of the friends around you but the only person who can watch you 24/7 is yourself. Also, sometimes, even the friends who you count on to look after you are wolves themselves.
Trust people but not to the point of allowing them to hurt you – at least not during the early stages of a relationship. Through time, you will know who you can trust with your heart, your money, your secrets and later on with just about everything. However, they become trustworthy because they’ve proven themselves faithful over time.
- Don’t get attached …. Yet!
a. Emotionally
What is emotional intimacy? First, this is about sharing yourself. I’ve often said, my life is an open book! But not a single person knows 100% of me. I usually give 20% to each one so that at the end of my life, if you find 5-6 people who know different aspects of me and put them all together, you will find my complete story.
When you start dating, don’t share too much too quickly because you create an emotional attachment specially when you talk about your past love life. When you talk about your past, you talk about your frustrations and why it failed, then the other person suddenly avoids showing those traits and you get naturally attracted to that person’s facade.
Second, its also about the use of the “L” word and saying “I love you” casually, either verbal or even just via text (I can’t even say “I miss you” without meaning it!). Love is a very powerful word. It is far different from attraction, like, and most especially lust. So before you say 143, make sure you know what you are saying and mean it. In short, don’t tell someone “I love you” simply because you have strong feelings for them otherwise it loses its meaning and becomes something you just tell anyone.
b. Physically
I have to admit, I’ve gone to bed (many times) with people who weren’t my girlfriend. I’ve done it with people who I didn’t have any emotional attachments to or any attachment at all. Many times we’d agree that there would be “no strings attached”. But guess what, someone still got hurt.
Why? However you look at it, physical Intimacy (or even just holding hands) causes you to feel warm inside (that’s why God made the skin the biggest organ of the body and why babies want to be cuddled). The problem is, this can be very confusing. Physical affection can make you think your relationship is better or deeper than it really is.
Don’t be a step ahead in terms of physical intimacy. While still dating, don’t hold hands. Why should you when you’re just in the “checking if were compatible” stage? When you’ve formally committed to be in a relationship, save sex for marriage. This doesn’t mean doing everything else except that because the problem with walking on the edge is that it doesn’t take much to push you over it. Hopefully, you’re committed to wait for marriage until doing all those intimate acts. Don’t rush things. You’ll get there anyway. It’s like receiving your gift weeks prior to Christmas. If you open your presents right away, you lose the excitement on the actual Christmas day itself.
Remember: To stumble into the sin of sex you need 3 things – time, place and partner. Without one, sin won’t bloom. Make sure these 3 things are never present all at the same time or bad things can happen.
c. Socially
Let’s admit, sometimes we are with someone because society expects us to be with them. You know this when you go to a party and suddenly people will look for someone who we are regularly seen with. They are now associated with us. When this happens, we become pressured and try extra hard to be “it”.
Spare yourself of the trouble of having to explain things when they don’t work out. When people begin to ask, clear things up to them. Give them the real score and just distance yourself.
- See several people.
There is a saying “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket”. A lot of people ditch their friends (and their life) when they start dating. Then they show up when they’ve broken up, counting on their friends to alleviate them from the pain. For your sake – DONT!!!! This is actually one of my major turn offs. I want to date a girl who is complete, not someone who is dependent on me. Let your partner know that before he or she came, you had a life and you intend to keep it that way. Relationships should compliment not replace your life.
Let me share with you the lyrics of “Somebody” by Depeche Mode. This hits the nail right on the head:
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
This is exactly what I want and need. Someone who will go through life with me but will not lose her identity. Someone who will listen but not necessarily agree. I know you do too and guess what? Your future partner would want that as well. Love is not possible without respect and respect includes accepting you for who you are.
Also, investing too much time in a new person or relationship is not healthy (and is actually counter productive). You will become too dependent on one person. Don’t make the mistake of making one person your world because that person will not be always there (even if you end up marrying each other).
- Last and most importantly, always seek God’s guidance
Keep in mind you are looking for your life partner. Out of the 7 billion people in the world, how can you find that single person that God set out for you? Simple — pray about it. Until God gives you a clear go signal, you are to stay put regardless of how tempted you are to say yes. Remember, “Mr. Right” cannot come in if you are with “Mr. for the meantime”. So what do you do while waiting? Focus on being “Ms. Right.”
Whats solid about our relationship is the fact that I know she’s God’s best and that she is my best friend. Pretending to be someone you’re not puts a strain on yourself and your relationship.
Let me end by sharing to you part of my love story.
I met Monique when I was bidding for an event for San Miguel. She was a producer for Livewire Productions and I was the president of WishCraft, Inc. The project was awarded to both our companies and we were asked to collaborate. She caught my eye cause she was good. I didn’t want her as my girlfriend but I wanted to pirate her into my company. We started going out to get to know each other. The first time we went out, I picked her up using a drop side truck (see picture) One day, after a few months of going out, I ask her out and she tells me she will ask permission from her boyfriend. I was shocked because she never told me about having one. Her only comment was “you never asked.” We still continued to go out, it wasn’t romantic anyway. We just plainly enjoyed each others company. Eventually, they broke up. One night after a couple of drinks in PICC, we both headed to the rest room. While inside, we discovered we went to the wrong one and at the same time ran out. Since the doors faced each other, we bumped into each other and ended up in each other arms laughing. That became our first kiss and hug.
Our dating truck… and we still have it till now.
Sounds like a commercial huh… that’s how it is when you allow God to write your love story rather than manipulate it.
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Your story and advice is truly inspiring. 🙂 I’m glad I was fortunate enough to read it.
I have this friend whom I have become emotionally attached and dependent to. We’ve known each other for about 3-4 years now and apparently he has confessed to me.
He’s 10 years older than me but he is a good, kind, hardworking man. He’s patient and he says he will wait for me.
I’m scared. Somehow I feel like I love him but I want to deny it. It’s like half of me say no and the other half says yes. Imagining a future with him, I can’t help being afraid of hurting him and myself. Yet every time I’m at my lowest I lean towards him.
I don’t know.. I’m just scared.
Hi Carissa,
I am so glad that you are sharing your thoughts with us. Being married to John, I realized that LOVE is more than just a feeling. LOVE is a commitment. Sometimes this is where people can get confused and thats why a few years down the road, they realized that what they thought was LOVE – fades away. LOVE means accepting people for who they are – both the good and the bad and through different seasons and phases of their lives.
You mentioned that you have been “emotionally attached and dependent” on him. Consider this as a red flag warning. For you to really see this guy clearly, guard your heart. To guard your heart means you should be more dependent on God than on this man. Pray more, seek God’s word, look for godly counsel. Making yourself vulnerable to a man will one day cause you or the guy, pain, heartaches and disappointments. I believe this is not a situation you want to be in.
I also believe that if you are to enter into a relationship you are not in it so that the guy can complete you. I believe you must be fully complete, contented and lacking in nothing to enter a relationship. This can be only found in a relationship with Jesus Christ.
There is blessing in waiting. Waiting allows you to grow and mature. Waiting is a good time to develop friendship. Waiting allows you to be more intimate with Jesus and in that way, you can learn how to love. The Lord will bless you with someone in His perfect time. And the good news is when that time comes, you will be ready 🙂
God prepared The Right and Special someone, yah that’s true ,do not rush love because God prepared our partner..God wants us to wait… Thank you for the such wonderful Advice.. God Bless
Dear Monique Ong,
I stumbled upon your story . It was very inspiring, im paying attention to the instructions you have given Carrisa, because its the same instructions im on a path now with God. I pray each day to ask God give me strength,courage and hope. I would like to be married , but scared because of being hurt. Im focusing on building my relationship with God.
I’m very happy to read an article like this. This is truly inspiring and enlightening. I used to have a 4-yr relationship and he was my first boyfriend. We just knew each other for 3 days and after a week, we already are in an official relationship. The first two years were awesome. I know that I really really like him, love him. But then just after months of dating, I had to move far to study. That’s when different problems started to come out. Since he’s my first boyfriend, I have this knowledge ingrained in me that all long distance relationships lead to cheating. I would often call him and ask him where he was. He would ask me why I don’t trust him and that a relationship should have trust in it. I know that. In my mind I know that, but I’m just really afraid that I’ll experience a hurtful memory because I really thought I love him so much. My world revolved around him and my first year in college did not go very well. I regret it until now actually. I just found out last year that he cheated on me because I don’t have time for him (because I was making up for my mistakes when I was in first year college). Now he was the one who doesn’t have the trust anymore. He did not understand this that it is for our own benefit in the future. When we broke up, I felt happy. Because I experienced freedom after 4 years. Right now I’m doing good with school and I’m happy with that. I have someone I like now. 8 years older than me. He’s taiwanese and he can’t barely understand english (even me because I’ve only moved to Taiwan for 3 months). He became my friend when I discovered we share the same hobby of reading books. We don’t always talk to each other, but from his gestures and the way he takes care of me, I can tell that he’s a very very nice man. And then I discovered that he didn’t have any girlfriend in his whole life because he’s an introvert and his other friend tease him as being gay. What I like about him is that he has the same personality as my dad. My dad always told me to date a man like him. Upon reading your article, I guess I should take it slow. Thank you so much.
Remember there are 2 sides of the coin. To love someone who don’t love you is martyrdom… its unwise. So its not enough to love… there is a need to be loved as well.
If you only love those who are lovable and those that love you back, what good is that? Jesus loved us not when we loved Him, but when while we were sinners. 🙂
Praise God for this!
Hi Onat! 🙂
Just like I always tell to my friends, its raising a bar if the guy is the one who declares a mushy and sweet story of love. Yeah they are mostly pa-cute and good words – but you’ll know immediately if its genuine or fake. I am not so close to Ms Monique but I worked with her with several live productions and am blessed by how she is love. Kakakilig habang serving and working kwentuhan at discipling women how to wait for the man of God. How despite of how she and you tarred the lovestory of God the best thing was repentance. Thanks and God bless your marriage more and business and doing ministry.
I’m inspired by your story. Indeed there’s a big blessing in waiting. The way God has redeemed you from your past relationships was really awesome. God really wants the best for us so He will often save us from the wrong one. God bless your marriage, John and Monique. 🙂
Hi Sir Jong & Ms. Monique,
I feel so blessed reading this article first day of the year. Truly God always uses the both of you to enlighten me on things I need to know. I may not share the whole story now & I’m just greatful that through the both of you, God never fails to reveal His messages. Happy New Year guys! Wish to be back & be part of your team specially the bible studies. May God continue to bless you both.
Paul, were just a call away if you need us.
Thanks for the wonderful lesson in life. Just ended a 3 yrs relationship and dont know where to start. During the break up month, i only talk to God and ask for guidance.
I really feel inspired with your story, Sir John and Ms. Monique. I’m just a teenager and I really learned a lot from this! Thank you so much for sharing your story and your advice! Truly, God never fails to deliver His message! You’re such a blessing! More blessings to come to the both of you!
It was so good .. I must be Ms. Right first .. thanks for the insight 😉
Hello!
I’m a bit confused. How can you build friendship without getting attached emotionally? I mean, one of the foundations of having a good friendship is by getting to know someone deeply more. We do not consider them friends unless you trust them.
You get to trust them because at one point you have shared a part of you to him/her and likewise them to you? Like you shared each other stories of moments of your lives that are unforgettable. That’s how friendship starts, right?
I’ve just thought that building friendship comes along with getting emotionally attached at the same time. Like they are inseparable …
Though I get the point why we should avoid getting emotionally attached too quickly.. It makes you think of that person more and the reason why you get confused if it’s love or just another childish infatuation.
What part did I miss to understand? Enlighten me up, thank you!
This post is actually inspiring, btw. I’m 19 yet confused still. Haha Keep on blogging. May God bless your marriage life! 🙂
There’s a difference between going out and dating. Going out means its a typical going out and in the process getting to know the other person. Dating is going out with the purpose of not only knowing the other person but also finding out whether you can take this relationship somewhere else.
The problem starts when you go ahead of your schedule… ex: start to hold hands on your first few dates without even any confirmation if you’re officially dating.
I have this male friend whose been taking this girl out almost every day for 6 months and for him, he was already courting. To his surprise, the girl says “until you officially ask permission to court me, i don’t consider it as courting” and she’s right! the old way of courting is still the best. Problem with todays time is that so many guys are playing it safe…
Hope i made sense.
So in a nutshell, my answer is to go out and let your love story unfold without you manipulating it or going too fast.
Feel free to ask more questions to clarify things i didn’t get to explain properly.
Hi John and Monique,
This is my first time to really interact on threads like this, but I guess it’s no accident that i came across to your blog. I am currently in a relationship with someone for about 5years now and I just can’t imagine how everything changed along the way. We started very young (He’s 16 by then and im 18) and we were very happy like most couples who are new in relationship. I can say that our lives revolved with each other that’s why when we started to get our job, everything changed, it also came to a point where he wasn’t sure about me anymore and it really breaks my heart.
We broke up on our 4th year because he needed some space, i guess it became difficult for him to balance work and relationship. I find it so hard to accept because my life depended on him too much. My life was all about him and our plans together. But then After how many months of waiting, he decided to come back to me and told me how sorry he was for leaving me hanging. I accepted him tho cause i love him and having him back is all ever ever wanted that time. I thought everything will turn out fine.
To cut the story short, we came back together and it went smoothly on the first months, but for some reasons, i knew something is wrong. My heart wasnt peaceful even I had him back. He was trying his best to prove me how sorry he was for leaving me but i became too cold hearted and harsh on him. Maybe because i was just too defensive and i dont wanna get hurt again. But Right now, same thing is happening. He left me hanging, without any word. I dont even know if were still together or not. I know i caused him too much pain but i just cant understand why he allowed me to be in this situation again. I love him so much and i know i wasnt able to show that. Thats my fault. I know he loves me too but maybe he got confused again because of the challenges were facing and he doesnt know how to deal with it. It’s just a little sad that everytime the situation is not ideal for him, he went m.i.a. now i don’t know If i should wait for him again or just cut it and let go. I dont know if im with mr. Right or mr. Meantime. I dont really know what God wants me to do. This happened twice already and im not sure what actions should i take.
Can you enlighten me? Thanks.
Kristin,
You don’t need anyone to make you complete. God made you complete.
If he runs away, don’t chase him. Here’s a phrase I found. “When you love something, you’ve got to let it go. And if comes back it means so much more. And if it doesn’t come, at least you will know…that it was something you had to go through to grow.”
Though I believe that relationships needs to be nutured and worked, being BF-GF is also the time to know whether you guys are meant to be Husband & Wife or not. If its not meant to be, face the truth and stop living a lie. The sooner you get out of this relationship, the sooner you can jump into the real thing.
It also helps to have friends around you who know the real story and would love you enough to wake you up just incase you’re already on your way to martyrdom.
Let us know if this helps.
Truth right here, thank you for posting sir. I couldn’t find the words to describe how I wanted my “lovelife” to be until I found your article in Facebook. Many people really don’t believe me when i say I’m single .. maybe it’s because I wanted and I’m looking for a Christ-centered one.
More people need to see this, especially the youth of today. God bless Sir.
God fearing is the #1 thing you really should look for. If they don’t pass this, its either you have the wrong guy or the wrong time. Its a clear billboard sign that says “Don’t push through!”
I love it!!! An eye opener! I’m 26 and I haven’t into a relationship yet. This will guide me! Thank you thank you! More power 😉
You’re one of a few… a diamond in the sand. Keep it up! Don’t conform to what society and culture dictates.
Dear Sir, I am so encouraged through your life sharing. I honestly don’t have any idea about the right person but I am still waiting for the Mr. Right til now. But it’s not easy thing. I have to guard my guard several times; all the time especially when I have crush upon a guy and we became friends and I love to spend time with him as friends do. But at that time I feel so dislike myself because I think that I’m so unfaithful to my right person. So at that time how should I guard my heart? Should I stop hanging out with him cos he’s not a believer.
Thank you.
God Bless!
Hi Sharon. Lets face it… you have to be attracted first to a guy physically. So everything starts there… even if you say, you’re not after the looks, the person still needs to pass a certain standard before you move on to the “Getting to know you” stage. So far you’re good, don’t make any mistakes. Reserve yourself for the right guy. Don’t worry, dating the wrong guy is not a mistake. Its part of the “Searching” part of the process. Get to meet as many people as you can so you’ll have many options.
Keep us updated. We’d be glad to listen to your story once God answers your prayers.
Good read! I needed to see this. Just curious tho, did Monique’s ex-bf know that she was going out with you during their relationship? Or was it something she also didn’t mention to him because he didn’t ask?
I wonder if my reply went through… but the answer is yes he knew. At the start though, i really just wanted to pirate her into our company. so I didn’t care if she did have a boyfriend. 😉
Truly you Inspired your readers about your wonderful story. I was totally amazed how it striked me. I was also inlove with my bestfriend. And he is at the same time, my first love. Ive accepted all his ins and outs, his pasts and darkest moments. I think thats TRUE LOVE, simply ACCEPTANCE.
But I think, todays time is not yet right for us. And I am praying that maybe one day, it will the moment that Ive been waiting.
THANKYOU FOR INSPIRING PEOPLE LIKE ME, TO CONTINUE BELIEVING IN TRUE LOVE. 🙂
Indeed… here is a verse that struck me today… “The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to him.” 1 Chron 16:9
magine the eyes of the Lord like a radar scanning hearts of people throughout the earth… Everytime the radar finds a loyal heart it lights red and emits a “beep” sound. When it hits your house where you sleep, does it beep? God is still in the business of doing miracles, but he wants to do them through people whose hearts are his. Can God use you for His miracle today?
I’m glad that a friend shared this article to me. I’ve read a lot of blogs about “waiting” but this is the only one with Godly advice. Kudos!
I’ve been single for a while now. The reason? I’m waiting in God not for Mr. Right. Because I know that one day, after I seek God’s Kingdom and after I’ve done His will, He will bring Mr. Right into my doorstep. After attending youth conferences, I realized that I don’t need to chase love. It will come to me at the right time. I’m 26 and I don’t mind being single. Now I realize that there are things (focusing on my career, travelling, shopping, etc.) in life that can easily be done when you’re single. Besides, if I get married, that would be for a lifetime. So why rush? I’d rather wait long, than marry wrong.
Thank you for this blog. May a lot of people read this and be blessed.
We have a friend who in the same boat as you… She leads a small group of ladies that come and go because one by one they find Mr. Right and get married. If you are to ask her if she’s felt about this, she’ll answer “Not at all!” because she knows that she’s complete with Jesus and that if God sends a special someone then it’s just icing on the cake.
thank you for sharing this wonderful verse from the bible. actually it was the message in our church service today, it was an inspiring article. i am now in a complicated relationship and after reading your article i realized that i am the one making it complicated for trying so hard for a love that is not worth fighting for… thank you for opening my mind and my heart.
To Mr. John and Ms. Monique,
Thank you for sharing the article above. Felt so blessed to have read it as i have gained insights and realizations from it. I think it’s really significant and would serve guidelines at least for someone who have never been in any romantic relationship like me 🙂
God bless you both and your marriage.
Carla
I’ve been with a guy for more than 4 years. We’ve been engaged for 1 year. I just found out that he has another girlfriend for almost two years. This is not the first time that we had problems like this but this is by far the worst. He asked for my forgiveness and still chose me over the other girl. But for me, I dont want to continue our relationship because I cannot trust him anymore. But i cannot let go. Theres a guilt feeling in me that Im the one who gave up in our relationship. I dont want to have regrets in the future. I want to move on but i cant. I want to let go but im afraid. Please help me.
I don’t know how bad your fiancee has it… but personally, i’ve been caught several times by Monique. From a womanizers point of view… To say its very hard to change is an UNDERSTATEMENT. I did my best… but sometimes I feel the following:
– God allowed this to happen therefore he tempted me
– One last time (one for the road)
– No one will know
– Temptation is too much…
People change… but its not enough that they do this by themselves. When i was caught on video, I actually gave up on myself. I thought I could never ever change… but Monique introduced me to Jesus and thats where I drew the strength.
You see, the problem was before… I needed relationships to make me feel important and wanted, I need it to show off specially that I was a star when it came to story telling about S-experiences, I wanted to go out with beautiful women to show them off to the world…
In short, I was not contented. This is what you need to address…. and before you go any step further, fix this first.
Tell your fiancee, you are willing to work it out but call off the wedding and wait until you see him changed.
If I can change (I got it really bad!), so can your fiancee.
The is thise guy i’ve known for sometime and i really like him.it been over 3 years,he is our young pastor in my church,but what amaiz me most is that i fall inlove withy him,while i’d never see him,and when i meet him i just love him,i’d never had a boyfriend before plz help me
Pastors are really attractive to women because they speak God’s word. But remember it will always be the man who must make the first move and not the other way around. I suggest to keep your eyes on Jesus because at the right time, God will bring the right man to you. In the Bible, the women who waited on the Lord, got the best man for them.
Hi John and Monique,
Your blog is very inspiring.
I totally agreed with your thoughts and opinion about aspects of love, being loved, loving oneself and God.
Reading your blog made me realized that I was wrong, I was wrong to jump into to the relationship I am waiting to come. To make the story short, I had my first love when I was 12 (nearly 13 y/o, since I said yes 15 days before my birthday), we lasted for 2 years (on and off relationship) then eventually parted because maybe we are too young to have a “serious” relationship and/or too young to know things about love and be in a relationship. Indeed it was a very painful feeling I would ever imagine, first cuts the deepest. Then after 5 years I have several flings and had one recent serious relationship for almost 2 years and we parted because of differences. I definitely believe that if you cannot love the person who he is then you cannot love him fully or accept him/her in your life, I know in the first place but we are really different person, we even dont know how we became friends (before we became a couple, we used to be bestfriends, who agrue a lot with opinions and thoughts but at the end of the day one will give up and let the other win) but still our friendship rose and we became a couple, months of our relationship are very smooth but when we are close to our 2nd year anniv, I cant even resist his attitude and that’s when I finally gave up. Should I say I fall out of love for him?. I do not lose hope that we could settle our issues but when he went to abroad for work thats the time he talked to me via FB and call it quits. And I too, gave up on the relationship. But then since we were friends when we started we still I cant feel any hatred after all (there’s a pain but you know what level of pain could have much affect your innermost).
And after the break up, few months after, I suddenly got a message on FB from my first love. I was like, okay, I did not expect this after 10 years of being apart from that person who left me hanging out of the blue. We talked we settled things, we knew we like each other the way we had our feelings before when we were young. We hang out, catch up with our lives and so on and came to the point we talk about that no label thing and wait for everything to fall into place because of some priorities, I am okay with it. But as woman, I am kinda scared because you are not secured with what you have, then one day we had this misunderstanding, we only talked in skype and then ended there. I was like, okay again, you left me hanging and emotionally attached to you. I know it was not right to be attached that moment since recently I had a failed relationship and my identity wasnt with me to enter to a new one and I am not fully capable of loving someone since I am not whole enough to accept the person for who he is. Now we do not have any communication and I can feel that I am still hoping to settle things and be with him. :(.
Oh no! its too long. Sorry.
Diane
Don’t worry… I read your long story. 🙂
Lessons here:
1. Watch out for rebounds… its not true that to get over a relationship, you need another relationship. Using a person to help you recover will most cloud your mind in properly selecting the right person.
2. Never assume – when your ex for 10 years came back… you broke the rules of engagement of always guarding your heart. Specially that there was no formal getting back together.
3. In a “Mutual understanding” relationship whether formal or implied – the girl is usually at a loss. Its like doing everything couples do except the commitment. For me its more of a fling than a formal dating.
4. People change – even childhood ones so being long times friends is not a guarantee that he won’t break your heart. Specially when it comes to long distance, environment, power, money has a way of changing people.
So watch out… The best advice still is find a Godly person. It is not 100% but its an advantage.
Been in a relationship with the same guy for 8 years, broke up thrice. I thought that 8 years was enough to know a person well. I used to or I still believe that long relationships ends up in marriage but obviously I was wrong. I am not in a hurry to start a new relationship, I do not know if it is right to still believe in that notion or I am just frightened because I WANT to get married by 30. I am 25 now! 🙂
If someone tells you “I just have a girl friend and we’ve been dating for 7 months. We are getting married in a few months.” How would you react? On the other hand, If i told you I have a girl friend for 7 years now. More often than not the next question would be “So when is marriage?” This tells you that the average expectation would be that 7 months is too short to get to know a person enough to bring the relationship to a level of marriage and 7 years is a bit too long already.
There’s many quotes we can draw… kesyo if you’re 10 years and not married you guys probably will never will or pag 30 wag na choosy etc etc etc… I don’t believe in those things as they are not biblical. What I believe in is this…
Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”
I agree with you Levin… don’t rush. If he’s the right guy, no matter how much you avoid him… you will end up together.
Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”
This, exactly is my life verse.
Hello Mr and Mrs Ong!
I stumbled upon your article in FB and I was inspired by it. I am also a Christian and a strong believer of waiting on God’s perfect timing for the right person as well as “Happy to be single” at the age of 28. I was never really in a serious relationship because before i might have been too young or the guys were just too “chickboy” and another time I was totally mislead but has opened my eyes and was able to find out that He’s already (i might have ended up the kerida if not). At this point of my life so many of my friends are already married and have kids. Of course I would love to have that too. People think that I might have such high standards or too picky but actually Im just looking for a Godly person who I can get along with. I had this bad habit of always adjusting to other person to fit his needs and be compatible with him but i was never happy. I understand now from reading the article that I have to be Ms right first. To be my own true happy self with my own identity and not to fit into someone else happiness but God’s.
I just have a question, there is this guy who was courting me for almost 6 months. I almost said yes because he is in fact a godly person, he cares about me a lot, he is great with my family and my friends. When were together I also feel happy but there are times when I easily get disappointed coz he cant hear me well (slightly deaf) and I guess thats what kept me from saying yes coz of our communication. What if he is my Mr. Right? Am I really being picky about it?
Actually during this time I also have a guy that I like but he is quite far from me and when we met he acts like he likes me sometimes but sometimes I get hurt because I think he is just being friendly and I am just overly assuming. I do like him better than guy number 1. Any godly advice for me please?
Dessa,
First of all congratulations for holding on this far… you know you are one of a few right?
My answer to you is — I don’t know. I understand your situation and story but no one can answer how you are actually feeling and what God has in store for you and we are not supposed to. That’s where faith comes in… I do have some guiding questions for you though:
1. Despite being a bit deaf, are you happy with him?
2. Do you see yourself spending your life and serving him?
3. Do you feel important, safe & secure?
4. In the 6 months that he is courting you, was it formal and was he consistent?
5. Can he lead you spiritually?
6. Watch out point: Does he have any negative character towards you or others – temper, lying, illegal transactions at work?
If he passes the questions above, then move on to knowing God’s will. Pray for it!
1. Is it practical ?
2. Are you at ease with your decision if you say yes?
3. Seek Godly counsel from Christian friends, family (do you have your parents blessing)
4. Is anyone offended by your relationship or opposed to it?
If God says Go then Go for it! 🙂 I hope this helps.
Do it again Lord! I am so blessed reading this article.
Just had a broken relationship and this article answers most of my questions why he decided to end and now I just have to let go. We started as good friends, Yes! but we were too attached emotionally, physically and socially. I am aware during the relationship but I was blinded and was caught trapped.
He ended, “Thank you for everything that we’ve shared… Those were great memories for sure.. You are a great friend. I hope we can remain as great friends.. I’m sorry is I caused you pain.. a lot of pain…. I’m really sorry… I pray that you’ll have a great future (that is already certain in God’s Holy Name)… Enjoy life.. be happy always.. Love your family. Love your friends. Keep on serving HIM and continue to be a blessing to others!^_^ God bless!!!”
I realized, there is no way we can always explain feelings but good values and God’s love will always explain. One of the best lessons I had is loving even if it means ending. Loving yourself and loving a once close friend. Loving yourself more than the relationship because one day the relationship will end or even married once day, we will be gone on earth. Loving yourself by being who you really are and complimenting and not replacing. Loving yourself more by giving freedom. I would want to share my story to you! I am happy reading your article and wanting to start a blog. Haven’t met the real him yet but I am just so excited for my “commercial”.
If you are in a relationship that’s bound to end sooner or later, the best time to get out of it is now. Why prolong right?
You also have to accept, some relationships end well but there are some relationships that end in total separation wherein you should not talk at all at least not anytime soon because this helps the healing process.
Learn from each relationship and don’t ever be stupid. 🙂
Hi Mr. & Mrs. Long,
I’m 28 years old, and I never had a boyfriend. I grew up surrounded by people who believe that love is a commitment. I started praying to God to guard when I was in high school. The influence of the people who shared about God’s definition of love is so strong that I promised myself to remain devoted to this promise until I finish school. Not that I’m becoming impatient, but I sometimes ask if there’s someone out there for me. Reading your article made me realize something. While I consider who my Mr. Right may be, I am not fully convinced that I may be Ms. Right to someone else. Now my prayer to God is to prepare me, to become the person worthy of someone else’s love. Thank you for sharing your story. God bless your marriage! 🙂
^Mr. & Mrs. Ong. Sorry about that, it’s the autocorrect. 🙂
Hi Mr.Mrs Ong
Thank you for this wonderful guidance this thing matter to people (kasama po aq) who need to understand how relationship and commitment should start..Its been a year when I broke up to my 1st love it really hurt me but then 2corinthians 6:14 helps me to understand why I need to be separated to him. Trusting God perfect timing and faith in Him. He will provide the right man in His time’. Blessing sang Grace of God always be with you
Yes… when you breakup. Don’t waste your time and move on.
Hello. Im in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend.
This is our story.We were bestfriend when we were in grade 3 to 1st year highschool, she knows that i like her so much. Cause when i was a kid i already see her as my wife. This girl, i courted her for almost 7 years and always ended up rejected but i didn’t guve up. And while i’m courting her in the past many guys tried courting her but they are also got rejected. Since we’re graduating she finally said “yes” because i’m the only one who lasted this long to court her and showed to much love.
And now my problem is, will our relationship last? Because she will go to study medicine and i need to go abroad to find a job for our future plans. I always pray to God to make our relationship last because she is the girl i’ve been praying for since i was a kid. What do you think, sir?
So you think she’s the one… you are absolutely sure 100%? How long has it been since you guys went steady? Has proposing marriage before you leave crossed your mind?
Anyway, there is a saying… absence makes the heart grow fonder. This is true but incomplete. I believe its a 2 edged sword. Absence is the ultimate test for any relationship. Its an acid test to know whether what you have is real or not. Cause sometimes, a relationship seems to work but just because its become a routine and the proximity of the partner takes away all variables that challenge the relationship.
When you go out of the country and she studies, then both of you will be meeting other people. If one of you finds the “right” one, then thats the end of your relationship. This is the normal process for long distance love affair.
1 You separate
2 you miss each other
3 The one of you will either miss the other so much or get used to the absence and realize its not working
4 From here on you will decide whether to continue on the relationship or not
If you guys were husband & wife, then I would go against long distance relationship because its not how God designed marriage to be.
Hope this helps.
I believe that she’s the one because even if i got too many heartbreaks and got lost, i always find myself back to her. I don’t have plan getting married but i still want to marry her. And i still want to have a stable job and have enough money before marrying her.
Yes sir. Thats what i’m afraid of, that my absence will cause too much in our relationship. But i will still pray to God. I’ll pray for His plan and guidance.
Thank you very much, Sir Ong! Please pray for us. May God bless you for your kindness.
Hi Mr. & Mrs. Ong,
I have all the praises for your article! Love everything in it most specially that it is biblical.
I wish to share it with all my friends who are going through the same issues. We girls tend to forget ourselves when we finally commit. Yes a lasting relationship is God’s gift.
God bless u more & your marriage!
very inspiring love story.
GOD Bless of your marriage
Hi Mr & Mrs.Ong,
Thank you for sharing your love story. This brought an inspiration to me.I have a question, How will you know the he/she is the right one?
I’m currently writing that on my next blog… 🙂 give me 2-3 days. 🙂 Thank you. hehehe
Hello,
Few day ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. Here’s our story. We’ve been together for not too long yet. I broke up with my ex boyfriend (before him), that time, I know I wasn’t completely over yet to my ex boyfriend when he came. When he keeps inviting me to have coffee, I would say no but a month or 2, when I know I am ready to see other people again, that’s the time I said yes for a coffee date. We enjoyed each other’s company. I like him because he makes me happy and secondly he’s the first one who asked me to go to mass with him. Actually that is one of the signs I asked God for my next partner. One day, he told me he has a child. I am really okay with that. I was happy he told me but then his ex gf are fighting for the child’s custody. The child’s with him though. So more dates passed then we’re gf-bf already. I was actually happy when I’m with him. But them sometimes I feel like I’m masungit or like I’m giving him a hard time. We don’t see each other that much because he lives in the province and I started to miss him. I felt like there’s something wrong. I got confused. So I broke up with him. First I thought I was still in love with my ex boyfriend (before him) until we had this closure. Until then on when I broke up with him (the present one), I realized that I am really in love with him. I prayed first on whether to move on or try to fix it. I realized that I don’t want to lose him. Then when I tired fixing it after, he told me that he’s the one who thinks it is better that way for now since he has a lot of priorities. I really missed him and I’m hoping that we could work this out. So I planned if I make him ligaw and start being friends with him. I just want to try something new, that’s why. When I told him that I want to court him, he said if that’s what I want. We’re were happy when we saw each other. I don’t know if he still wants me in his life but I just hope we would be back together. Do you think by courting him is okay? I’m not really expecting anything but I just want to try because I know I’ve hurt him and I want to take this chance to be with him.
Thank you. I love your story.
Ana, did you know that men and women think differently? While women want to feel loved, for men our priority is to be respected. So your courting may not work for him. Also, while you are courting people may actually find it weird that you are. My advice… save some face. Stop running after him. We men need some space too. Its enough that you ask him back. Now the ball is on his court. Allow him to make the move.
Someday, if in case things don’t work out, would you want him telling you “Ikaw naman nanligaw sa akin?”
Think about that.
Hello there,
Stumbled upon this blog when a contact liked this over Facebook.
Thank you for putting up such a personal and well thought post and I appreciate learning further by reading the very insightful thread. You have a healthy relationship even with your readers.
I can so relate with this story. Will be turning 25 soon and never had a relationship. Didn’t even engage to flings or whatnots.
In our culture this status can be exhausting. Almost everyone would ask the same Q “bakit wala pa?”.
It is tiring and offending at times. Although of course I have moments when I also ask the same thing; bakit nga ba wala pa? Haha the irony.
But the only answer I can give myself is simple, I grew up praying for one thing and that is for God to give me this kind of blessing when he thinks I’m ready for it and I wish to faithfully hold on to that. Every time I turn weak and insecure, whenever I lose sight of this prayer, God reminds me of his promise in mysterious ways. This time your blog post became his instrument.
Thank you so much.
(Sorry quite long!)
Being a wedding photographer… i’ve witnessed people getting married who’ve stayed pure in the end. As in first kiss on the altar. It truly blessed people like me who have gotten our first taste even before teen age years that yes, such people like you guys exist.
However, I also want to encourage you to be strong. As Matthew 10:22 in the message version says: “There is a great irony here: proclaiming so much love, experiencing so much hate! But don’t quit. Don’t cave in. It is all well worth it in the end.”
because on the other hand, i’ve witnessed people who’ve kept themselves pure until 30 only to give it up to a “wolf in sheeps clothing”. I’ve also seen people get pregnant on the first intercourse.
So my point… you’re on the right track. Be careful. be streadfast. Don’t let people pressure you. when you can’t hold on much longer and feel like caving in remember “You’ve got Jesus watching you!” We will be cheering you on and await for the day when you are married so you can say “Yes i’ve made it.”
Nice read! Thanks John and Monique for sharing! Truly inspiring and captivating! Something that I really need. So blessed by the article and by the Q&A, it feels like God is directly talking to me with all the shared experiencesI like the part about waiting, something that someone needs to go through in order to grow and the part on how to find your Mr. Right.
Thank you and keep in blessing others with your life stories John Monique 🙂
I am blessed and inspired with your blog.
I am 26 years old and don’t have a serious relationship yet. My dream wedding is to walk in the aisle as white and as pure as my gown, and
first kiss at the altar. I’m always praying to God about this. To guard my heart all the time and reserve myself for Mr Right.
Thank you for this blog, it helps me to be strong to stand on my principle on dating and relationship.
I was just scrolling on my facebook account and then one friend of mine shared this, so I came and checked this out. I was truly impressed and inspired. Thank you so much for this! 🙂
Hi is it okay that I share mine through email? [email protected] Hope to hear from you soon! Thanks!
go ahead. [email protected]
Hi, I am one of the NBSB ladies and there were times that Im feeling I want to do dating and be in a relationship since most of my friends and colleagues were in a relationship. But when I think deep about it, Im feeling not ready to it yet. There are lot of things in my mind to consider like my family and our status in life. I guess your story will be one of my guide in deciding things when it comes to my future lovelife. I know God has a plan for me and for my Mr. Right to meet in right place and right time. 🙂
I’ll be writing soon about how to find Mr. Right. Its in the making…
Wow! Thanks for the heads up. Will check your blogs 24/7 haha sorry, im just so excited to read that. Is it possible to have a copy via email? Thanks po 🙂
you can but the format might not be as nice…
It’s feels so nice that I have come across this article of yours. Thank you very much. It pulled something in me. Honestly speaking, my social skills are currently in a bad situation after I encountered some mishaps a few years ago. Nothing physical really happened, but it’s more of an emotional scar for me which led me to not being able to fully trust anyone, well except a few people. I am struggling to return it back to normal but I always feel scared, and I end up running away again.
Before I had the mishap that I was talking about, all that you’e mentioned were part of my priniciples especially #1 and #3. I also did not mind at all what other people think of me. Luckily, I survived not getting attached physcially and socially. However, #1 and #3a crumbled into pieces, and in the process I started to isolate myself and became extremely aware and conscious of people’s opinion about me.
I hope that this year, I’ll be able to find the courage to approach these people again and, well, not mind what happened in the past and be my usual self again.
Thank you very much again and hope that “An Ounce of faith” will continue to let others have their own ounce of faith whether it may be about love or life.
Hi MI,
I don’t know what happened but I do pray that you can recover so you can once again spring into the social scene. Thank you very much. 🙂
Thank you for writing this! I am inspired with your story! I want to ask your opinion about my story too! May I send an email?
Yes sure. [email protected]
wow..thanks for this..Im so blessed it’s the first time i read articles coming from facebook post coz i believe their just non-sense. but God really is awesome that during in my time of praying for “The One” He answered me through this article..I’m single for more than 3 years now coming from a very bad relationship but i always believe that everything happens for a reason and now I’m Healed by God…Hope i could read more of your inspiring articles while battling the journey of “waiting for the right one”…continue to inspire every individuals..
Hoping you could send me in my email some of your inspiring devotion if it’s possible, coz right now I’ve never had an accountable partner in prayer…thank you and Godbless…
Hi Mech,
First of all, sure. I haven’t tried committing to that but i’ll do my best.
Also, Why not subscribe to our feed? its in the home page. Just put in your email, then you can also Like our http://www.facebook.com/anounceoffaith so you get notified whenever a new blog comes in. 🙂
You’re simply amazing! #TeamOng #OneAndOngly haha
Only by His grace we can do these things.
So refreshing! A reminder of a true christian courtship 🙂
Just got out from a relationship 4 months ago. I was dumped for reasons I don’t really know. I thought I would never be happy after that, but God reminded me of His unconditional love. People may disappoint us, hurt us, but God never fail us. Now, I’m very contented and happy with my life even if my friends keep on teasing me for being single.
This blog is an eye-opener for us who loved and failed. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! God bless you and your wife Sir 🙂
Amen sister… i’m so glad you’ve come to your senses that “God has been holding you in His hands.”
Wow! I feel emotional. While reading this and inspired. and its true seek God in everything we do and ask for. And been praying for my Boaz too! Thank you for sharing this Sir! nakakagaan sa pakiramdam,lalo na sa Mga naghihintay. God bless you both!
When you are with the wrong one it will give you stress and head aches. When the right one comes it will all be worth it.
Hi,
God is really using a lot of instruments for us to be enlighten and you became one of that instruments. Thank You
Im 25 here, nbsb but had a “special guy” for the past 5 mos.
At first,it was a friendly meeting then he officially moved to the courting stage.
For not less than a month in the courting phase he withdraw.
His ex came back.
He choose her over me. Their was a long relationship, while “us” was a prematured on
I expected it, but the pain was there.
He was an “ego wrecker” that was I told to myself,(bec he was my 1st suitor) to ease the ain.
He asked if we can still be friends.I turned it down. My reasons, I dont want to be the caused of any confusion, I want them to give a 2nd chance, I respected him,her and so myself and I know to myself that Im not yet ready for a commitment.
It was a great experience.
I know God used him to tell me,”You cannot predict nor plan ahead of your life,because the unknown is still at my hand.”
“What ever come, comes.
What ever go, goes.
If its meant to be,it will be.
Just trust in him and be thankful.
Kudos.
Thank you for the post. It enlightens my heart and soul. There came a time I would feel that am always a failure when it comes to love. I asked God for patience and for the person to spend the rest of my life.
Thank you for this…
I’m a 28 year old girl still finding for Mr. Right. I don’t know when he will come or will he come? I actually made a mistake in my life. I’m currently in the process of moving on and making myself whole again. I had pms with someone whom I like most and receive nothing in return. Last night, he had s** with another girl and I feel so stupid for giving it to him. So stupid… I just cried a lot…
I wish Mr. Right will come…someday…
your being NBSB gives you a higher value. Usually guys when they are in the courting stage give sooo much importance to girl. Just like a kid with a new toy they play with it. So if its already becoming weird now, then thats a bad sign. I say before falling for him make sure he proves himself first to you if possible “beyond reasonable doubt”. Wala namang mawawala if you make sure di ba?
Hi,
First of all, I want to say that God is really amazing because I was feeling really down a while ago and then suddenly I came across this article. Just want to share my story: there’s this guy, who’s not formally courting me pero prang ganun yung dating. He’s super sweet when texting (call me babe & txt me evryday) and even when we meet again (he’s my former classmate btw in a language course).We we’re supposed to have dinner today but due to his class schedule, he said na next time nalang. He knows that I’m on leave today and I can actually adjust my time if ever. I have this feeling that I’m not his priority or something. Not that I want to be on the top of his list but atleast I want to feel a bit special even just for today since it’s my bday. I’m thinking now if this is God’s sign that this guy is not my Mr. Right? And knowing that, is it still ok t communicate with him or totally forget him to avoid any heartaches? Thank you in advance.
Btw, I’m 26 yrs old and NBSB. I’ve guarded my emotions since I was a child and don’t really mingle with the opposite sex. So maybe that’s one of the reasons why I easily got emotionally attached now. Hoping for your guidance. Thank u!
Thanks for this 🙂
Hi Rose,
My suggestion is not to talk about marriage first. You need to strengthen your relationship foundation. If he has been cheating for over 2 years with you without guilt or repentance, then he has major issues to fix. Marriage will not make him faithful, he will only magnify what he is showing you now. My advise is to start your relationship by strengthening your walk with the Lord. Get yourself in an accountability group – you can try a couple’s group but I would push for you to get into singles – all men for him and all women for you accountability group. This will help him be strong in the Lord and stronger from temptation and sin. This will help you guard your heart at the same time Be willing to be counseled by older godly couples – to help your relationship grow. Pray and Ask God for clear guidance if you should pursue this relationship. If the Lord gives clear signs then thats the only time you can discuss moving up your relationship to the next level.
Hi,
Thank you for this blog.. It really helps me a lot. I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years and it ended up last January 11,2015. I thought he is Mr. Right although he often tells me that he’s not sure if he loves me. When we’re together itbseems like there is no problem in our relationship. I am 22 years old and he is 27 years old. He broke up with me without reason.
If you value yourself, You should say this… its your loss not mine. Good riddance. Good bye.
HI Cie,
Im so glad that you are out of that relationship. Pray for a godly man who is responsible and loving. I cannot fathom to have a man who is in a relationship with you say that he is not sure if he loves you and breaks up without reason. Enjoy your new found freedom! Being single has its blessings!
Hello and good day! Ptr. Ronald Molmisa shared this article in the Lovestruck Page on fb. I was super blessed reading not just the whole article but the comment section as well. I was deeply encouraged today through the thoughts that was shared. Nakarelate po kasi ako somehow dun sa ibang cases, medyo similar sya sa case ko. Gusto ko sanang ikwento pero masyadong mahaba next time nlang po. Haha. Im 18 yrs old, nbsb, a college student, and a Christian. God planted something in my heart and this conviction helps me to just focus on Him and love Him first above all. I want to be a woman after God’s heart, to be Ms. Right. I started to pray about my Mr.Right or GB (God’s best) to God at this age. Im rest assured that God will do many wonderful things in my life starting this year. Thank you po for writing this article, your story is an inspiration. God bless your marriage! 🙂 Halleluijah.
I don’t know why society looks at having someone as a measure of success… I think its wrong. Now when we dont have partners we feel anxious. When someone comes making pa-cute we see them as “the one” even when he’s not causing us heart aches and misery.
topnotch photographer now an inspirational writer. your are truly blessed john!
I just go where God’s spirit leads… its fun that way. Close your eyes, take Him by the hand and say “walk with me Lord anywhere you wanna go.” 🙂
Hi Both,
Late last year, I decided to let God decide on how my love story will be. I started reading books, bible verses and testimony on how waiting for the right person, and what surrendering your love story to God can provide more than what you actually wish for.
To be honest, its hard. When everyone around me is either getting married or having children, there are days that I cannot help myself but wonder why. Why it is taking this long? But im very sure that slowly God is revealing his faithfulness to me. Because everytime I question, I stumble to articles such as this to keep my faith burning.
One day I know I will be happily sharing how God wrote my love story just like this.
Who knows when or where but I know it will happen, in God’s perfect time.
Jessie… i’ll pray for you too that somewhere out there is God’s best and I pray to keep those Mr. for the meantime away from you. For now, what do you do?
I’ll be writing “How to find Mr. Right” in my next 2 blogs. Please pray for wisdom for me…
by the way, its not “when” you get married that make it a success but what happens “In” the marriage. So don’t envy them… Someday when you get married, you’re gonna do everything you can to make it work. You’re gonna plug up all the holes and be Mrs. Right so that Mr. Right will never look anywhere else. Correct?
Hi John,
Thanks for the reply and prayers. I’ll wait for your next blog.
God Bless!
Good Day Mr. amd Mrs. Ong!
In my whole life, I have been into relationship two times only. I been into relationship in college only. Wherein in my 1st it broke me a lot. Secondly, I met again that caught my attention in college again, it lasted 4yrs almost. We separate ways again because he went to other place with parents as well. And in addition, of some reasons/issues about religion. That’s the time I become mature to things that comes into my mind and heart that there are certain issues in life that you have to realized that is to prioritized. Which is heavy, to faith? to self? to family? etc. I really think Faith was the reason and I don’t know the rest. He left me hanging through breaking up, and it was then a Long Distance Relationship within months before deciding to leave me. I am now 27 now. It’s hard to believe I’m still single for years. They are some who courted but I am different of all other there. If I really don’t like to be into that person, I can’t force myself to be with them, I just wanted make friends with them. That’s it. I’m not into rush to love now, still searching.. but some of my friends doing gossip why I am not into that now, well I have reasons to tell but not to further explain, because they don’t feel what I really feel though. As of now, I was not expecting to like somebody out there now, but there again, that so-called issues about religion again that makes me scared-of. But I do like that person. We like each other, we hang out sometimes and communicate, but I think I should stop this so-called friend affair because it could turn to heartache again. There are some circumstances that we don’t knew each other yet, but we just enjoy our company but through our own perceptions in life maybe, I think we can’t be to each other. For me, I am now mature to certain things that comes into my life, but to that person, that person still needs to grow up. All I do now, is to seek God’s guidance for everything that comes in way. I am just busy and mingle to my friends as of to divert. Thank you for this article, I was amaze and inspired by your story. Stay in love and God Bless you both 🙂
Hello,
I’ve never replied in any thread before but for some reason your post has inspired me. I’m an NBSB girl, 27 years old. I’m type A — I like to plan out my life and this area completely baffles me. One of my life goals, and in fact maybe my deepest desire, is to be married and have a family. And this is one of my deepest pains, the fact that I’m NBSB and my friends are already starting to get married.
You know the homily story about the guy who always prayed to win the lotto but never bought a ticket? Well I don’t want to be that person, and I’m a planner and action-oriented person so I try to do something about my problems. Last year I dated 15 different guys, some meant nothing while some ended quite badly. Yes I know that I need to let go, but how do you know up to what degree to stop trying and when to just start letting go?
I know the theme of your article and what you’ll probably tell me is to wait. But I think that I need to accept that it may not happen — not everyone gets married. We all have that single tita in the family and what if that’s me? The thought though that my deepest desire might not be granted kills me though.
How do you know if you should continue hoping or just accept things as they are?
thank you for your time
Hi Ana,
Thank you for sharing what you are going through right now. I love type A women – they are driven and very passionate about their goals and dreams in life. In the Bible, there are 2 outstanding women that showed me something very common that they did while waiting for God’s best. The first character was Ruth. She actually was a widower and a foreigner in the land of her mother-in- law. She was BUSY WORKING trying to get as much grain from the field for her family. A man named Boaz noticed her hardworking ways. Long story made short – Boaz did Everything to marry Ruth. The other character I love is Esther. She had a gentle and quiet spirit. She was submissive to her uncle she was part of that beauty search that King Xerxes called out for. She did everything that was told for her to do in the end the King loved her the most. At a critical time because of her godly character and God’s protection, she was able to get favor from the King to spare her people and condemn the men that wanted to kill her people.
What have you noticed here? Both women were strong and powerful women but they knew when to exercise their power. They did not search for the men, the men found them because they were shining wherever God placed them. There is so much to learn about relationship and marriage. I would suggest studying how to be a good wife even if your not in a relationship yet. Being a wife is a lot of dying to self. Dont let a desire turn into a demand and latter turn disaster. Pray and be the best you can be where you are. Dont worry about God’s best. They come when you are shining the most. So in short Shine. Hope should never die out from you.
Hello Mr. & Mrs. Ong,
I have never replied to a thread before but this one really gave me a lot of realization. As what my name tells here, I’m a 21-year old single mom (unfortunately). I’ve been in several relationships after I broke up with my 1st boyfriend whom I was in a relationship with for almost 4 years (he cheated on me many times and I can say I love him more than he does) and since then I ended up in several failed relationships (usually long distance relationships) and decided not to be in a relationship again until I graduated from college . To cut my story short, I’m afraid to be in a long distance relationship again, neglected the guy that showed me sincerity because I thought he’s too good for me but I ended up being in a relationship with someone for almost a year (it was not a long distance relationship and we spent times together) which unfortunately became unexpectedly pregnant and left alone during my pregnancy (he didn’t face my family and that made my dad mad at him). I decided to broke up with him when I was still pregnant and now we communicate just for our baby (although he wanted us to be together as a family, start new and to face my family but I had no choice but to follow my dad’s decision). The hurtful part is things didn’t changed between us, the way we talk and throw jokes at each other especially when we talk about our baby’s progress. He says hopefully things would be fine and time would come that he’ll be able to see his son. I’m trying to move on but to be honest I still love him and I guess it would be very hard for me because we have a baby.
Most of the tips you gave was all opposite to what I did. I trust a guy easily which is a problem ever since I get to know a guy and I like him. Now, that I’m a single mom, this experience I had taught me to slow things down and reflect on the failed relationships I had. I don’t even know if I would still be with someone or if there’ll be someone who’ll love me even though I’m a single mom. I’m a type-A woman and I have many goals to achieve in my career which I’m still starting. I just don’t know when would be the right time and when can I tell that I deserve to have Mr. Right despite that I’m a single mom already. I’m rushing though, but I would appreciate your advice.
I hope I would be able to receive an advice from the both of you from my life story. Thank you in advance! God bless the two of you 🙂
Ms. Young Single… I honestly feel so tempted to give you an advice right now but I think the best one to do that would be my wife monique. You guys for a time were on the same boat. She was you and I was that irresponsible guy who got caught over and over.
For now, let me just tell you this… the devil will make you think you’re less of a person in terms of value because you’re “damaged goods”. For God’s best you are perfect the way you are and He would not want to have you any other way… God doesn’t think less of you so you have every right to still be picky. You deserve no less than a great husband and father.
Just put your trust, faith and hope in God.
I mean I’m not rushing but hopefully you can give me advice. Mistyped that one,sorry
Hi Mr. And mrs. Ong,
I used to be in relationship more than 3 years and I promise that he will be the last person who will holds my hand during ups and downs but sadly it ended. All relationship has mishaps, I always seek God for His help and never fails me,if i have this simple blessings I forgot to acknowledge Him, its the reality in life. I think I need to learn lesson first before any intimate relationship, I need to have faith and do what He plans him to do to me.
One thing I can say… His plans are different from our plans. His wisdom is way higher than ours.
Sometimes when we lose everything, we realize the most important things in life: Jesus. If we want to experience true love, we need to learn it from the Creator of love. We cant give what we don’t have. Jesus longs to love you and has always been there to catch you every time you fall. Its never too late to love Jesus. Its never to late to give love when the right person comes along. Praying for you.
I totally affirm to all the things you have said in this blog. I came to realize these things on my own way back 2 years ago when my partner and I broke up. I was shattered into pieces but as they say “Do not cry over spilled milk. The best is yet to come”. Falling in love is a state of mind. It really feels good to be in cloud nine. But still, reality hurts. Do not chase Love. It will come in God’s perfect timing. No matter how you resist, deny, or control, things will fall perfectly into their proper places.
I guess this is what I really need at the moment. Thank God for showing me this article.
My boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago to be with his ex-girlfriend again. We’ve been together for 8 months but this is already the second time we entered into a romantic relationship. We first met each other almost 6 years ago and he instantly got my attention. He was also attracted to me then. We went to dates and there’s already this mutual understanding – it’s just that we cannot be in a relationship since he has a girlfriend. After a few months, they broke up and we got together. It lasted for few months but he lost his interest in me saying I was too “mahigpit”. We quarreled a lot and he suddenly stop communicating – he did not answer any of my calls, texts, emails, etc. So this would only mean that our relationship ended already.
He and his ex-girlfriend became a couple again. I changed jobs just to be in a different environment thinking it would help me in healing my broken heart. He’s my first boyfriend by the way. After 6 months of no communication, we started talking to each other again. To be honest, the feeling I had for him did not even change at all by him being in a new (or should I say “same”) relationship again. Those times, I was still wishing we could be together again. I guess I cannot just move on.
We almost “always” talk to each other and see each other after those 6 months of no communication. I still have that romantic feeling towards him always so that’s a good thing for me. We go on dates, and for a few times, out of town trips. We’ve had this scenario for like 3 years. And yes, he is still in a relationship with the same girl.
Second quarter of last year, we officially became a couple again. I know it’s just a cycle – him breaking up with the girl then being with me, then breaking up with me and being with that girl (repeat). He was saying that all those years, he still have that feeling towards me – the reason why he always asks me to go with him on dates. Why he made sure we always communicate. I was sure that he’s really in love with me (or just what I thought). He always visits me in the office, run errands for me – anything an in-love guy would do for his girl. I became too lenient this time as I am afraid he’d do the same thing before because of me being mahigpit. We’ve had fights just like any other couple but it seems that those led to him contacting the girl again. I went on a vacation and just found out that he went out with that girl again. I confronted him and he broke up with me saying that he just realized he’s really not in love with me and ended with the same girl again.
Now that we are no longer together, he still makes sure I’m okay. He always texts me asking how do I do and he always offers himself for any help I might need. I think I am already in this stage where I don’t know what to ask from God anymore. All those years we’re not officially together, I always pray for God to give us another chance. I’ve waited several years armed with faith and hope that we would end up together again (even though I can see him happily attached with another girl). All those patience finally paid off after quite sometime though it did not last that long. I would always ask myself, “why give up now when you endured everything for more than 5 years already?”. Although a part of me also wants to let go. It’s even harder since I have planned everything with him in it – future travels together, where to eat, what to try next time, etc. I am not a sociable person – I don’t have much friends. I don’t go out at all. Yes I do have a job and that’s the only time I go out of the house (except when I have to go to the church of course). I guess I was just too dependent on him that I don’t even know what life is without him.
I hope you would provide me with an insight. Thanks so much and God Bless.
Here are things that I see…
a. You love him more.
b. Its a messed up relationship because there’s 3 of you.
c. The relationship has gotten a bad start and is quite hard to fix.
d. I don’t know if you’re ready to love yourself and give him up.
With your story, I don’t see love though coming from him… your relationship is a bit one way. Most of the efforts come from you and you’ve become someone he goes to whenever the otherone is available or probably for variety. I know it hurts but you gotta face the truth. you can’t go on living a lie.
If he loves you it should have been clear a long time ago. If he loves you he should have realized that way back and made a decision on who to pick.
You know your problem… you said you don’t have much friends… you don’t go out at all. So you know the solution…. Reverse that! Do some hobbies… in short, Get a life! 🙂 Go to the Gym, take scuba diving lessons, hang out with college or HS friends… you’ll realize that there’s much out there that’s in store for you. That the world doesn’t revolve around this guy.
Dear Caleigh,
Its time to love yourself again. You need to close the door to this relationship because its very unhealthy for you. You have to trust in the Lord that there is someone out there – the Lord has prepared for you. It is so tiring to get into this cycle and get into this emotional roller coaster and end up hurt. I highly recommend this book “Joyfully Single”. This helps you see the blessing of being single and help discover great things about yourself while Mr. Right comes your way. Enjoy and be complete first without getting it from any man. Nourish your relationship in the Lord, I can guarantee you will not be disappointed. In time, God will make you ready for the right kind of relationship.
This is such a good read! This is waaay different to other stuffs that tells you to do this and that to find true love and the like..
This is real stuff.
Thank you sarah. 🙂
Hello Mr & Mrs Ong,
I have been in a relationship for 4 years and my girlfriend has a daughter from his previous relationship. We were schoolmates in high school and had crush on each other. We got separated in college because I studied in Manila and she was in Cebu. We accidentally met after college in our hometown and exchanged numbers. At that point, we knew that this would turn out into something special.
So now I’m stuck in a relationship with someone who can’t put me at the top of her priority list. She’s a great girl, and she does her best to keep me happy. She spends every night with me, and she spends most of her free time with me.
How can I continue with this kind of relationship?
Hi Bryan,
How can you not be on her top priority when you say that she spends every night with you and most of her free time? Kindly clear that up.. 🙂 cause the way I see it, she should be spending time with her daughter too and yet all her time is with you already. Hopefully, you understand that its a buy one take one thing… you can’t marry her without accepting the daughter.
When you say continue, Where do you want to bring the relationship?
I have no boyfriend since birth. Im tired of waiting for 21 years. Ive been praying for this over and over again and yet nothing has passed by. What should I do?
Hi Kimmy. Thanks for writing. Congratulations for holding up. I can feel that you really want to break that “NBSB” streak and get on to a relationship. Think about this first… wouldn’t it be a shame, if you had waited for so long and end up with the wrong guy? Thats why take care that you don’t make mistakes.
In a nutshell, Here is what you gotta do. 1> Prepare yourself Be Ms. right. 2> Trust in the Lord.
My next blog will be about finding Mr. Right. Hopefully it will help.
Hi Mr. and Mrs. Ong
Thank you for this article.It really inspire,enlighten and helps me.
Hi Mr. John Ong,
A friend shared this to me and it was a blessing in disguise. I needed this right now.
I’ve been in with my boyfriend for almost 10 years. I love him dearly and he’s my first and had only hoped that he would be my husband in the future. But recently, I met someone. It was just at an airport because we were both lining up for the check-in counter. There was a little delay, and having a connecting flight thereafter, I was worried that I might miss that. He took notice and we kind of had a small talk first about our flights, but after just a few minutes our conversation went on to a friendly one. We barely noticed long queue! He was the one doing most of the asking–just basic info about me such as my course in college, where I grew up, my siblings, my parents, the reason why I was in that place, my interests.. I don’t know if he’s just like that to any one he meets but we kind of had a connection at that point. He was in front of me on the line, and after he dropped his luggage, of course it was turn but when I turned around I did not expect him to still be there! We had a little time to spare before our flight and he asked if we could have coffee, to which I politely declined and suggested that we could do that later after we have found the boarding gate. He also asked for my Facebook account, which unfortunately cannot be found due to my privacy settings. He then asked for my seat number and we are seated several rows away from each other. After we have landed in our destination, I did not see him anymore. He lives in another country. The weird thing is, I can’t stop thinking about him. I don’t know his full name thus I can’t look him up on Facebook. I love my long-time boyfriend because we’ve been through so many things but I think I just found my SOULMATE. It may sound sill and totally opposite of what your article is trying to come across. How do I know that this is not just infatuation? The case with my boyfriend when we started is we got to know each other AFTER we officially became a couple (you know how high school sweethearts fall in love). It seems like my heart is playing tricks on me. I think of this person I just met more than I think of my boyfriend. I’m really confused. It’s like getting over someone I’ve never even dated.
Adriana, you’re a hopeless romantic. And hopeless romantics, for practicality sake, need to plant their foot firm on the ground or face tons of heart aches. Look at the clock… see the hands running? Time does not stop to wait for you to get over this. You are wasting precious time. First, you don’t have any connections, its a far fetch that your paths will cross again. I’m not saying its impossible… but i’d consider it as “It could have been but it didn’t so lets move on… next please…” Get it?
Anyway…. i’m just trying to spare you the bad feelings cause it ain’t gonna be worth it at this point.
As for your BF, how much do you love him? The fact that you’re getting more than attracted to other guys is a warning light. You might want to reassess the relationship and your feelings. You might be in the relationship because its been 10 years. Sometimes, taking a step back can ignite once again the feelings specially when you see and begin to appreciate what you have in the first place.
Super nice article and comments sections as well. I am 30, and just gotten out of a 2- year relationship September of last year when I found out that my bf then was married with 3 kids. Yes, ganun siya kagaling magtago. Haha. I only found out when I borrowed his external hard drive and saw some documents there (a loan application stating he’s married with kids ng plus their marriage cert). I thought he was the one na since he gets along well with family and friends, and we really really spent a lot of time together. We even put up a small business and opened a joint account. I know and I feel that he loves me too.
I gave myself to him when I was 28. That’s how I was sure of him na we belong together kasi sa kanya lang ako pumayag. Haha. Nasira yung vow ko na maging pure until I get married. Oh well.
Now most of my friends are getting engaged, married, having kids (iba nga 2nd child na hehe). I sometime feel pressured kasi parang napapagiwanan ako, pero kapag nakakabasa ako ng article like yours eh narerenew yung faith ko. I know God has prepared someone for me na makakasama ko forever.
May God continue to bless ng guide you Mr. And Mrs. Ong, and may you continue to inspire and enlighten many people through your writing.
Isa 55:8: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.
Many times we do not understand what God is doing. Last Saturday, Pope Francis was actually asked “Why is there Poverty? Why does God allow it?” God doesn’t need to answer all of our questions. Why? because we can’t handle it… our thoughts are limited. We can’t even see what will happen 10 minutes from now much more in a years time. But God thinks differently, he knows everything about the future. He knows what we’ll feel, what we’ll think of and what we’ll do even before it happens.
So next time, when you can’t understand… maybe you should just stop trying to understand and just start trusting in God. This is probably the lesson God wants us to learn at that moment. Knowing our God the father does not change minds or feelings like some of us do. He is the same yesterday to day and forever…
hi Mr. and Mrs. Ong,
I am really fond of reading blogs, but have never tried to participate in the thread. Now I’m taking my part, as I was really moved by this article. And the advises we’re indeed brilliant… I just got one answer from God today and that is Proverbs 19:21…thank you..this is really timely…
I’m turning 30, four days from now :), and i have been into different wrong relationships. Wrong? because almost all of my relationships has been into pre-marital sex. I tried my best not to commit this mistake, but It’s too hard for me to handle, instead I found myself sinning time and again…I swear, for many times, I have asked the Lord to forgive me and free me from this plight, yet I always fail… At some point, I really felt I was a DOORMAT… That no one will ever treat me the way I always wanted to be treated… That I am not worthy, that I am dirty… that I will never be forgiven, that I will never be enough… That no matter what I do, I will never find a man who will truly love and respect me without giving myself up… I’m just too tired for it…
Until, I found Christ and accepted Him to be my God and saviour… It’s not easy, but now, I have high hopes… Although until now, I still fail Him., yet I now understand, that He’s a loving and forgiving God… and I am praying for a second virginity. By second virginity, I meant, a cleansed, healed, renewed and forgiven heart and self… I started praying for a godly man, who, in-spite and despite my past experiences will treat me right, just as how God treated me…
Now, I’m working on being Ms. Right by taking care of myself, my body and my heart. And that sin will have no part in the coming relationship i will have… Thank you for the inspiration… God has truly touched your heart that you have truly inspired us… Kudos! God bless you always.
Amen… I praise God that you’ve found Jesus who completes you cause no one else will.
Dear Mr. Ong,
Thank you for sharing your love story. I just remembered you mentioned if you are on a long distance relationship and he/she finds someone else then it is the end for you two. I just thought maybe it is unfair to the person whom you chose to leave behind for the new one. Just because you think you found someone better does not mean you can just replace the other one who is with you. Maybe we should also consider how our current partner would feel before our very own and that, I think, is the more Christian act. You may have been both tested and gave in. And how would you feel if you were the other person left behind? Too bad, I may not have been good enough for her. Or if you are the new one, won’t you get scared thinking that if she finds someone better than you, then she might leave you and sorry ka na lang. For sure this may not be the situation right now but I’m just trying to bring up the morality on this note.
Sorry for saying these things I may not know the details or you personally but it kept running on my mind please do not take it personally, I do not mean to offend you, instead I wanted to clear these things that I think may influence others in thinking that it is okay to replace your current partner to a fresh one just because you think he or she will be better for you. You were right when you said that one should be steadfast and strong against temptations and be equal in treating our neighbors/loved ones. To live happily together with our loved ones, centered in God. That does not include stepping on some people along the way. Thank you for understanding and hope that you pray to God that He may speak in behalf of you before writing and shed some light on this. And if ever, this happens to any of us that we found someone better, how do you properly end the relationship you have to begin with the new one? Thank you for your wide understanding and being such a good sport. God bless.
Flying fish… not at all. 🙂 I was just stating the fact that Long distance love affairs are hard. Yes, some do workout but when you are husband & wife, this is not God’s design for you.
While it might be unfair for the party who waited for the one who found someone new to leave him or her, it will also be unfair if he/she doesn’t because his/her heart will be with someone else. The sooner you break up the earlier you guys can move on.
Thank you so much and God bless! 🙂
Thank you for opening my heart and mind.
Hi!
This is really inspiring. Im turning 29 this June and still single and though some people are pushing me to have a bf or asking me why im still single i answered them “i really dont know” im not choosy but maybe there is just no spark to any man who’ve shown their attractions to me. Though i had some relationships before when i was in college and its been quite a long time since i had my last bf im not rushing to have one. Im praying and i also believe God has a better plans for me and will provide me what exactly i am looking for. Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”
Your story (as I’ve read it from Joy Mendoza’s blog) is both heartbreaking and awe-inspiring! You guys are a testament to the grace and love of God. Such a blessing to come across this. I was caught up in an unstable relationship for the longest time and decided just recently to give it to God, and let Him do His work from here on. I would be lying if I say that I don’t pine for him anymore but I am choosing to just trust God about it. On my part, I’ll make sure to stay guided by His word as I wait. And I’m including this post in my go-to’s!
Keep walking in God’s path dear Dani. I know exchanging Jesus for your hearts desire is the best thing you ever did. The rewards are going to be worth it all. For the mean time learn as much as you can in this season of your life 🙂
I am probably turning into a stalker now haha ever since your story inspired and touched me when we attended the last Before I do workshop. I’ve been thinking po if i would msg Ms Monique thru instagram (i just decided to follow you po instead)to tell you how much you’ve made an impact on me with your testimony. Medyo bukang bibig ko na nga po yung story nyo to my friends eh lalo na dun sa mga nagpapasaway. I was also guilty of some of the things you’ve shared and experienced the lying cheating part. That was why it home. And today I continue to ask for God’s grace and look to you both as an inspiration that Jay (my bf) and I can have the second chance you’ve both been graced with.
Hi John and Monique,
I’ve been in a relationship for almost 5 years. We started as Bf/Gf since HS up to now. 5 years is a roller coaster for the both of us. Just like other relationship we’ve been through ups and down. We always mess up.
We never have “break-up” since we started. ‘Coz we believed that it will never be a solution for our problem. But things changed on our 5th year(this year).
We don’t compromise even in to little things. I’m breaking to pieces. Im the type of person that I always says whatever I feel. I’m vocal. I will never let the day pass without fixing our problem. But he’s my total opposite. He rather stays silent. He will never talked to me until he’s okay. I don’t know what’s running in his mind. Yes, it’s hard for me. Really hard. I don’t know where to stand.
I admit, I make mistakes. I sometimes do things he don’t want me to do. I lied to him at some point. Temptations defeat us. For him as well, at some point he takes me for granted. He’s always busy when we actually both know that it’s just a matter of priority. And what I hate the most is I never felt secured. I admit I have a lot of insecurities to other girls because of his own actions. I always caught him having a clingy/flirt talks with other girls. I forgive him for that and just remind him not to do those things again but it seems like he’s forgetting his promises.
We always thrown harsh words to each other whenever we argue. It’s like forgetting the things we do good to each other. We started to hate each other.
We just recently have an argument-actually my fault. I reach out to him. Apologizing for what I’ve done wrong but as expected he’s not talking to me.
I don’t know what to do and what to think. I felt like he doesn’t deserve me for all the pain I brought him. I dont know If I have to let go of him. I’m afraid and confused at the same time.
I hope you can help me enlighten.
God Bless!
When you are just in the dating phase, sometimes space does good. Its not always good to be forcing the relationship. The best is really to be practical about it and ask “is this relationship good for us and making us grow” and pray whether he is indeed the right person for you. As a wedding photographer, i’ve heard of dozens of stories about long terms relationships breaking up and then suddenly a guy comes in and just sweeps the girl off her feet and there I am shooting their wedding. Better to end the relationship now than be sorry later.
I am not saying he is the wrong guy… but if you’ve gotten to a point where you guys are saying harsh words to each other maybe you should ask yourselves again, do we really love each other if we are like this or are we just together because that is what people around us expect of us.
Do i make sense?
Thank you for replying John. Yes, it makes sense.
But how will I end a 5 year relationship just because of not compromising? Please help me find the right action to make. I’m a little depressed now. He’s everything to me, I know I have family, I have friends and I know I have God. But you know, he’s a part of my life.
But, I have to admit we both changed. He’s a closed minded now. I’m the selfish one.
Sorry for bothering you. This is a big help for me since I can’t talk ’bout this to somebody.
Marion,
you said there are ups and downs. You can do it in the downs. Talk to him about how the relationship is not healthy, probably because of time you’ve become too familiar with each other and has already taken each other forgranted. How maybe this break will make you realize if you’re really for each other or not. That you are not closing doors but would like to start all over again.
Then keep yourself busy, i suggest seek Jesus during this time and strengthen your faith. This allows you to keep a listening ear on His promptings and leadings. You’ll be surprised at how God will shape you and strengthen you in this low moment of your life. It might be difficult but knowing you are not alone helps.
Here is my opinion… Both of you need to grow up individually (not necessarily seperately). You might have gone too comfortable with each other that you are already taking each other forgranted. So grow in the Lord separately and your relationship of always fighting and hurling bad words at each other will be fixed. I’m sure you guys know there’s something wrong… but you can’t just admit it.
If ever you guys decide to get marrie din the future, make sure to attend a pre-marital workshop. This will help a lot.
Dear Mr. Ong,
Thank you for sharing your love story and advice. If I have known this years ago, I wouldn’t have gone into a relationship that ended up as a disaster. I didn’t understand much about relationship and no one explain this to me. People including my mum will only tell me that I am too young for relationship and it will affect my studies. I was going to be 18 then when I started a relationship with my first boyfriend. My life is down and feeling lonely at that time. Upon thinking about it, I feel incomplete and hope someone could help fill up that another part of me. I was seeking for love (not knowing that what I was seeking may be more of a romance than true love and someone who I could depend emotionally and find comfort in).
We were friends and were in a Polytechnic Orchestra playing strings instrument. Though we were friends, I don’t really understand him much. But I didn’t put thought about it. He was caring and often brought comfort to my life. However, our relationship did not gain blessing from my mum and because of how he treated her, I broke up with him after 3 months of relationship.
I admit that I have my faults. To jump into a relationship is too hasty for a decision to make. And I did not have a boyfriend since then till now. God did intervene in between to prevent me from making another mistake. I knew He was letting me know that who and who is not the one, and I may not be ready because I did not have the right mindset or I have not become the Ms Right that God wants me to be.
I did know then that if I hoped my future husband to be a God fearing man for example, wouldn’t he also hope his future wife to have the same quality? And I thought that to have 2 people fall in love and decide to begin a relationship later needs the blessings from families of both sides. They do play a significant role in this road of romance that will leads into marriage some day.
As for now, I would let all these advice and past experience be a reminder to me of how I should choose my next half. I should bear in mind to guard my heart more than anything else.
Dear Mr. Ong
I am really glad that I came across your blog. It actually helped me to somehow realize my current situation. But please let me tell my story.
There is this guy that I met because of my best friend (They are church mates actually). I barely knew him since I attend their single’s conference every month but one day I bumped into him and he asked me if I am working again and I said no I am still looking for a job. So he asked for my resume and hand it over to their HR so to make it a bit short we became office mates. I told it to my best friend so she was really teasing me like “Uy! Two answered prayers. (1). A Job that suits my educational background. (2). My lifelong prayer of meeting my God’swill.
This man really is a Godly man. He leads their worship band. He is a core youth leader in short active in the ministry plus the fact that he wants to equip himself of becoming a pastor. I knew to myself I am asking the Lord, If there’s a chance that maybe he’s the one. Or maybe not. Until now I keep on asking the Lord if is it really two answered prayer at once or maybe not. Because I get this feeling of “Nah! He’s too good for me”. But I tell the Lord, “Lord He has the qualities of what I am praying for since then”
Right after office hours we go somewhere to seat down and eat something then we exchange stories and laugh at each others korny jokes and we wouldn’t notice that its been hours since we sat down.
He does things that makes me feel really special which tends to make me think “Does he feel the same way? or maybe no”.
Actually, I don’t know if I should stop going out with him because I am having the tendency to ask the Lord over and over if he is the one. I don’t know where is this going or what the Lord is trying to tell me upon meeting this kind of man because now a days, A man like him is really hard to find and you have to bump into frogs before you find your prince. And there are times that I am guarding myself whenever he is around. I try to stop myself talking to him and starting to build my great wall of china just to guard my heart and my emotions that what if he turns me down. and of course the friendship that we have. Hoping to hear your Godly advice regarding on what I must do and Have the wisdom for this situation. Thank you so much Mr. Ong! GodBless you!
This is truly inspiring. Thank you for posting this cause all I need now is a further enlightenment from what just happened in my past relationship. Ive been carrying this hurt feelings for a couple of months now after our break up. Well, we never even have a commitment though, it was just a date. A date that lasted for about three months and so many things had happened for just a short period of time. I hate to recall those things but i guess i have to share it. Just so everyone knows my kind of dating story. We met at school particularly on the first school related meeting that we have to attend. He kind of saw me first i guess because i was the one assigned to manage the attendance area and there he was. well, things happen like getting the name and the number (“for school activity stuffs”) and a lil conversation. after that, we kind of have a constant conversation on the phone and it lasted for 2 weeks until he called me with endearments such as babe, baby and etc. I was carried away and called him the same too, because it feels good really to have someone call you like that. He treat me on our first date then nothing really exciting happens, we just eat and talk. followed by our second date, in which he shows physical intimacy such as holding hands, kissing me on the forehead and hugging me while he’s singing on a ktv. It really feels good that’s why I let him do it. To that point, that i feel something different like I can see my future with him, I mean Im expecting that we’ll have our commitment soon so i have to prepare myself. We had our phone calls from night till dawn. I got to share to him my feelings, my secrets, my past, my family and everything. He met my mother and introduced him to her so my mom was kinda aware that i’m dating someone. And just so you know, he was the first guy ive ever introduced to my parents and my first time to get introduced to his. We meet everyday and people are starting to think that we’re together when in fact we’re not. He was once told me he loves me and I said it said it back right away because i really think that is how I really felt for him that time. You can imagine, how all of this happens in just 2 months. Can you imagine how much effort and risk i have invested in our relationship? Three months later though I asked him what we are really coz im bothered with what the people are asking and i dont know what to answer bcoz im confused. And guess what he answered, “friends”. ouch. OUCH! ASSHOLE! but well i understand him bcoz i know its too early for us to get committed. later that day i he never texted me for two days and wonderin what he’s up to until i found out that he’s still hanging with his ex girlfriend. With that, I stopped hanging out with him. It really stabbed me in the heart. The confusions, expectations and frustrations all mixed up. I dont know what to do, I mean I like him but he keeps hurting me. When we were still hanging out, everytime we pass by our acquaintances, he will always say we’re just friends when they started asking even though we dont look like friends anymore bcoz people sees us holding hands and hugging each other. See? It is a complicated relationship and it’s really confusing. AND I HATE TO THINK HOW STUPID I AM TO GIVE HIM THE NEEDS HE WANT PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING.
Well… It’s best to learn from our experiences. Sometimes, we all go through the School of hard knocks”. We are stubborn… those who have gone before us we don’t listen to and we think we are so good that our case will be different. I’m glad you have seen the light and have awoken from this dream.
One warning though… you might have moved on but make sure you don’t bring — bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, hate… Those things can weigh you down.
Look at it this way, Life has so much to offer. Gone are the days that people will actually condemn you for not being a virgin. Whats Gone is gone… God still loves you and don’t say you’re stupid cause God didn’t create you as one. People make mistakes… thats all. Stupid is when you do this over again…
Don’t let your heart sucker you out.
I love the fact that it has the word of God in it and contains godly principles. I am greatly inspired.
I am glad I found this very informative & inspiring article. I am 29 yrs old & I am confused about my feelings towards this man I meet only thru online dating, we are both looking for a lifetime partner, i mean we want to pursue marriage not just dating or flirting. Though we did not yet seen each other personally coz I am out of the country, and he is currently working as a government official. I can discerned that he is really a good & sincere man but I have to reserved this feelings although I know I like him despite of the fact that he is not that attractive in physical but his intellectual & principles are so great! Do I need to wait for the right moment or right time before saying “yes” to him personally?
Kindly advised me & give me some words of encouragement it’s been more than 6 yrs the last time I am into a relationship & since then I never go out on a date or chatting with men…until I realized it is time for me to fall in love again but this time I want to pursue marriage with a man of God. We are both Christians who happen to meet via online dating & after that we decided to deactivate that app & use another app exclusively for us..
Amen! Thats the way to do it… God fearing man should be your #1 criterea. Yes, people may disagree… (those people don’t understand the whole picture really) but this is the best way I know to safeguard your heart and be happy.
Wow 6 years — enough time wasted already. Remember this: Time is the most valuable resource. Everyone is given a fair share of time whether rich or poor. Once time is given you cannot earn it back. Time = life. When I spend time with you it’s like saying I am giving you this part of my life.
Have you seen Inside out? It’s sooo nice.
Anyway, you’ve wasted 6 years, you can’t take it back… so move on and don’t give more. Next time be more careful who you give your time to.
Hi Mr. Ong! I am so blessed and touched by your story. I recently went though a breakup with my first boyfriend. I really did not know what went wrong (or maybe I did, I am just not accepting it). Anyway, he waited for me for two years because my parents are strict and want me to wait until I am 21, so we waited. We had constant communication for those two years and he knows that I have feelings for him already it’s just that, it wasn’t the right time yet. Then, as I reached 21, my parents finally allowed him to court me. To be honest, I wasn’t sure about him at first. I’ve seen so many guys courting girls but I don’t know if it is just him or I expected too much. February 5, 2015 after I went to a christian youth conference, I said “yes” to him, we became a couple. I love him with all my heart but there was no excitement in our relationship, I felt like it wasn’t growing. I know I have shortcomings with our relationship because I am not used to be in a relationship and I am just learning. I am sweet but most of the time we fight because I felt like he was not giving his part. On my birthday, I asked him only one thing, his time. I asked him if we can go out just the two of us without any phone calls. We don’t have to be in a fancy restaurant, all I want is maybe if he can jog with me and have picnic afterwards. But all he did was greet me happy birthday and that’s it. Then I went back to Philippines for a vacation. I was away for a month. When I got back, we had a fight. Then after 5 months, he broke up with me on our monthsary. He told me that he is tired of our relationship and he just woke up one day he no longer have feelings for me. For two months I was begging for him to come back and patch things up but he kept slapping to my face that he’s no longer into me that he’s in love with his best friend. (Not to mention, his best friend told me harsh words. I swear to God I talked to her like how God would want me to and she told me that I am not a princess and that this is not a fairytale and I am not in a fairyland).
Is it really possible for someone to fall out of love that quick? Now, I am in the process of moving on. God has been my strength since day 1. I’m trying to learn to accept the fact that it is just not meant to be. God would remind me all the time those days that I prayed to Him that if he is not His will for me remove him out of my life and He did.
My next relationship is something that God has designed. I know He wants me to grow first as a person, to achieve all my goals first. I am saving myself for what I call God’s best.
God bless you 🙂
Do people fall out of love? DEFINITELY! And you can look at it 2 ways, Thank God that you found this out before you got married giving you a chance to find Mr. Right or Question Why and beg for him to come back / Run after him. The 2nd one is an act of desperation — do you really want someone back because you begged him to? The proper way to act here is move on and allow him to run after you IF he realizes he is mistaken about his feelings. Look you are young and have full of life ahead of you… why waste time?
As for the “So quickly” part… Maybe it wasn’t that quick. Maybe it’s been brewing the time you were away. Love is like a Pail, only with holes. You can put water in but water slowly drips away. When the amount of water that drips is bigger than the replenishment guess what happens? Someday the pail loses water. Thats what I believe happened to you guys since you guys are far away from each other.
Try again when your situation has changed… or move on.
I am thanking God for making me stumble into your blog.
You put me back to my sane thinking after I am almost fall and “attaching” myself to someone I’ve only met online.
Glad to have awakened you… 😉
dear john, i’m in a lot of pain……the man i’m in love with is about marrying someone else……..he cheated on me and broke up witn me because according to him he loves me
then he said he wanted to be a better person before coming close to me and now he’s getting married…..he didn’t even give me a heads up
i’ve tried unsuccessfully to get over him for close to two years now….we dated for four years and he broke my heart I got to know he started dating this woman a little over a year and he’s marrying her
No other way to approach this but to move on… what are the things in your life that you can control? What’s beyond your control? Where does this guy fall into? If you try to control things that are beyond your control, you’ll get disappointed and you’ll get hurt. Those things you have to just pray for then leave it up to God. Focus your efforts in what you can control… because your time is not wasted. Things like dating, making yourself pretty, increasing your value by learning etc.
Your ex has moved on and so should you.
nice one very good to read..
i am going through lot of pain right now.. and i dont know what should i do. i have a friend of mine we use to work at same place. and we knew each other from last 2 years. to began with i didnt had any feeling nor any kind of attachment with here. And she was about to get married.
but slowly slowly we became best of friends and we started spending lots of time together. share lots of stuff we each other. but i never had any love kind of feeling towards her. but 2 months ago she left her job as here marriage date was getting near. And thats when the promble started i have fallen in love with her. And somehow her attitude towards me also changed for the final few days we were together. we use to behave as if we are in realitionship. and now we are in touch with eac. other but not as we were earlier. but i cant stop thinking about her she is
the only thing going in my mind. i have tried all the possible things to stop missing here. i have even started seing other girls but that to is of no help. it is not i rushed into to love. the feeling of lossing here is killing me from inside. and i am confused that should i do. i want to confers my love to her but i dont want to hurt here nor i want to creat promble for here.
But i am going through hell right now..
I think what you need are facts…. stop living in your dream world. At first, my guess is that what she got was wedding jitters so she agreed to your “relationship” and then she woke up and decided who to choose. It’s very clear that the other man she has is more stable in terms of what they can offer as he is offering her marriage whereas you are offering only being a boy friend.
Are you sure you love her or are your ego just hit? I suggest you pray about this and read 1 Corinthians 13 in the bible about what love is… then ask yourself, are you that?
If it isn’t then I suggest to let go.
thank you so much sir for the article. i wish i read this before falling in love. i have been in several relationships and have made several mistakes.. i even have a baby boy and still in college. i really yearn to have this serious guy but i dont know if i still have a chance of meeting someone to love me. right now i encounter several challenges like guys asking me out only to end up realizing they were after sex. how do i deal with this? thank you
Flora,
1. By not giving in to sex… you will definitely turn off a lot of men but these are the ones you don’t want anyway.
2. Dress conservative, you will attract what you project.
3. Stop thinking you can change people…
Hope this helps. 🙂
3.
Hi,
I`m a Baptist and we practice courtship, i`d say i already passed it`s phase. We are on a sweet side now of our so-called relationship. However, i`m still confused on why she isn’t officially saying “Yes”. although technically speaking we are already there, it’s just the verbal acceptance is lacking. I already asked her couple of times but still don’t wanna give out response “yet”. Is this something that i must be bothered or should i just continue doing whatever we are doing?. Her action speaks louder than the verbal acceptance that i`m waiting for though.
What makes you think its “already there”? Are you talking about holding hands and kissing?
There are people who don’t actually like labels or official commitments… give her space. in the end, the important thing is that you both feel secure about the relationship. Also, give her the book “5 Love languages”
Your story is very inspiring. I could somehow relate it to myself because I, too, rush love.
I’ve been waiting for so many years for him to come and introduce himself to me. Sometimes I question myself, will I ever be with right man for me? How would I know that he is the one? How do I control myself not to fall in love so easily? I always end up hurting because of the “men” that tried to get my heart but in the end, they just left me hanging.
But I wil always read this article to help me focus on what really matters 🙂 I hope that you continus inspiring many people…like me. God bless you! 🙂
When you’re in a rush… the more you end up with the wrong guy. The wrong guy doesn’t only take things from you, it also wastes your time. Thank you for writing us Nica. 🙂
How woud I know if he is the right one?
Hi john and monique,
Your story is really inspiring
And I m in an emotional turmoil right now ..and I feel u r the correct person to tel me what it is ..cauz yr story is really related !
Okay so , I hv been with my bestfriend since three years. Like we are in a relationship since three years .. Earlier it was jus that I lived talking to him ,being with him after a say a year of the best friendship he confessed ..I was jus 18at that time .. I confessed too ..not knowing that confessing somebody your feelings would land you in a relation ..dint know all of it at that time ,..
We would fight a lot. Very much.. V hadn’t evn made our relation public.. But everyone knew that ya like they r together.. He never took me to dates or movies and Al..he said he felt awkward., there were great moments too ,,not jus bad.. Each time I would feel that m an Indian and as u feel love happens jus once ..I clinged on to it..
Now after two years ..when actually he did change ..(I always tried to change his I,perfect ions and tried to make him perfect and same with him ) and after such a long time with fights n Al when v finally wer becomin perfect …like sooo adorable and forever types ..something happened
I with my family friends had gone to a trip.. I met a guy there .. My senior and both of us knew I was committed..dint even try to even flatter each other..but v wer like great companions throughout the trip.. Jus the day before he was leaving… V had an amazing evening ..something magical happened..nothing physical ..it was jus a journey back from a distant place ..but during that hour I don’t it was like genuine magical ..I don’t knw how I felt..
And then the problem started
I felt guilty for feeling like this knowing that I was already with someone ..
The other guy also understood that.. V decided to take it maturedly.. And it’s been a month til this happened .. V hv become great friends.. I even told my bf that I committed this isn of even feeling .. He was like happens ..it might b a crush ..don’t wry
But the problem is John and monique..
I hv lost myself .. I m sad all the time.. Even being with my bf I feel something is wrong,, I asked him to give me sometime.. He evn gave me some ,.but v fought .. He says I hv given him the worst days of his life.. Today I am ready to do anything to save my relation
The only problem is I don’t feel happy .. I jus feel incomplete..
My trip friend..he is great person ..he is only concerned that I shuld b happy..he too has had bad experience in his life. N never wants that because of him..a breakup shuld happen ..
V shared something platonic
After loads of crying and praying .. I concluded that I l keep trying hard to be with my bf.. My bf says that all my college mates..literally who r couples now hv inspired from us and now how can I do smithing like this to him.. He also wants me to compromise on my dreams..I always dreamt of going abroad to study,,I told him i l wait for him ..there ..but he is adamant ..he wants me to be with him here in India..
So here I am,, my be has given me time to prove myself that yes I wil stay with him foreground,, he wants me to extra are for him so that he can get the confidence and trust in me back..
I asked him the day I find my happiness I l not evn have to try ..v l b perfect … He told me
So now I hv to wait for you to find your silly happiness?.?
So here I m again..with my exams within 15 days..I feel God doesn’t exist cauz the guy I felt was my soulmate..the perfect human being who’s done soooo much for me.. Today I m a sinner and I hv to try so much ..so hard to live him.. And stil in one corner my hearts says something is wrong..the entire college sees us as perfecttttt
And m jus a bitch ..feeling Al this nonsense ..
Plz guide me .. God seems to hv jus closed doors
My suggestion is… break up with your current BF so you can find yourself.
It’s hard to be with someone if the love is not there (or at least some stronger emotion is existing). You are probably feeling guilt right now.
While in the “cool off” phase, seek the Lord.
I think you are not in love with the guy you just met on the trip. Thats called “Adventure” you’ve read too many romantic novels or watched so many love movies that you actually made yourself play a role in one of them.
However, i am not saying that fairy tales do not happen in real life… who knows right? but lets be practical… unless he finds you and really really seeks you — you have nothing to count on.
Work at what you have and stop wishing for something that aint there. I believe your current BF also lacked something that made you open to other men. Women are not polygamous by nature… they’re usually very domesticated as long as you keep their love tanks full.
By cooling off it allows you to see things in a better light — more objective.
Don’t forget too — our heart is a deceiver. Don’t let it rule yourself.
Thank you for this, sir. I’ve been thinking if it is the right time to say yes to my suitor. I’ve known him since I was 11. I met him at church and we became bestfriends after involving in the same ministry together. He is a man of God. Although, we don’t go out together (cause I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years and he was courting someone else for 3 yrs but the girl found someone else), we still treat each other as bestfriends. When he has problems or anything thay bothers him, he asks me about my thoughts… and vice versa.
This year, we became closer and started to talk more often since we’re both single and that means no one will get jealous. All of a sudden we realized we’re falling in love with each other.. I fell in love with my bestfriend. At first, almost everybody is against us because they thought he was the reason why my ex and I broke up with each other. But that’s not true, we broke up on Feb 2015 and me and my bestfriend started to talk more often by June..
We fought for each other until my parents asked him to stop communicating with me. Then we decided to obey our parents and just pray. Then, all of a sudden things turned around. My parents allowed me to see him and everyone in the church expressed their support and we felt peace in our hearts.
He is someone I want to be with for the rest of my life. I’ve known him for many years and still want to know more. I’ve read some books that say if people approves especially the men and women of God and if there is peace within, it’s a go signal from God. Since everything is okay now, should I say yes to him?
Why not ask your parents for advice… since at least now they seem to be very objective. Doing this makes you more trusted by your parents cause they know you’d open up to them.
Just make sure you don’t cross borders… protect the relationship. Make sure it is God honoring.
Amen 🙂
experience is a brutal teacher
but we learn-thank God we learn
C S Lewis
hy .I happened to read ur articles abt relationship building .its realy inspiring.There is thez man thav av just met for a month I feel realy love him inwardly frm my heart.I fear to tell him so coz I feel its too early.Whenever am a lone I just feel i shld be eith him.plz advice.I dont want to rush coz av been single for a year nd fear a heart break
Thanks for the incite! I’m in a relationship that has been so deep in conversation that we have helped each other to grow in personality and past hurt tremendously. We both are Christians and I think he’s an very intelligent man. I have been hurt in a previous marriage of multiple accounts of adultery, betrayal, emotional abuse and abandonment. I’ve learned through my trials to seek consoling but I’m still in this current relationship. He has been abusing alcohol and has been breaking his promises to quit this has started destroying this relationship that started very beautifully in our healing together. I’m not sure if I should stay and help him or if I should move on and take this relationship as a lesson. He obviously loves me a lot. He’s a good man and has been great to my kids but I don’t want to stay in a relationship with someone who has an addictive personality because that was my last relationship. I’ve threatened to leave a million times thinking it would fix things but it hasn’t done anything but left him insecure with our future. We have been together a year now and his son sees me as his mommy. I’m torn on how to handle this any advice?
Dear Seeking,
You have already pointed out that this man, though he is a good man, is not the best man for you. I know that you fear that by leaving him that you may not find someone who will love you. Believe me when I say, God loves you. Jesus really cares for you. If this relationship does not glorify Jesus – then you should stop. I pray you will take a leap of faith to walk out of this and enter into the peace and joy of the Lord. The future belongs to the Lord. If we follow Him, he will direct our paths.
If you dont know where to begin, start asking God in prayer for the best way to cut the relationship. When you turn your back, choose to keep walking – keep yourself busy through e.g. a girls bible study group. Also spend time with your kids. Get involve in your kids life this season and allow God to show you his plans for your family. We will pray for you.
Dear John & Monique,
Been single since birth despite pressure, questioning, temptations. I believe this happened by choice & somehow chance because I have always believed in God’s perfect man for me and that I do not have to search for him because he will have to search for me or God will lead his way to me. It was not until I turned 24 (year 2015) that I initially included this in my prayer, knowing the man meant for me & praying that I will be ready to commit. However, huge family crisis came along which made me decide to forget about it & just focus on more important things.
To cut the long story short, this year, I found myself, for the first time in my life, giving a chance to a suitor who happens to be my childhood friend & barkada. No doubt I like him (a lot) & he has been showing admirable traits & sincerity to me but I can’t deny the fact that I still have fears, questions & doubts (could be self issues). I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately that I will already make it official & say YES to him but I also do not know when to know the RIGHT time. I am unsure of many things especially the future but 1 thing I realized is that I do not want to lose him; it could be my biggest mistake if I ever let him go.
Now, I just want to hear any advice or words of wisdom from you as couple. Thanks & God speed!
Dear Missy,
If you are to get into a relationship – that only means the direction for this is hopefully to head into Marriage. Don’t say yes if you’re reason is you are afraid to lose him. If he loves you, he will continue to pursue you. My big questions are – does he love the Lord? Have you seen him at home with his parents? How is he doing based on his career? These are things you want to answer even before you say Yes.
I also believe God will make it clear to you – If you spend time with the Lord through his Word, He will show you that its the right time.
Hi Miss Monique,
I am delighted to see your reply. I actually confessed already that I love him too on that night I sent this which made us two officially together. 😀
I guess the reason(s) why I said YES is that I also want to show my love to him without any hesitation just because we are not a couple yet and that I believe that these things happen because I & some of my friends have been praying for this & God won’t allow this to happen if not for the best of us.
To answer your questions, I am glad to say yes to those although not everything is at its best yet, he is honest enough and I feel like wanting to be with him every step of the way.
Now, I am in a situation with so many new things & experiences but I continue to seek for guidance & wisdom from the Lord that He may always be with us.
I am excited for you. My only advise is to keep your relationship Christ centered. Be in a small group where you can make yourself accountable especially in the area of purity. Enjoy learning how to communicate and be understanding in a relationship. Relationships should be selfless and not full of self so keep praying for your relationship 🙂
Thank you very much, Ms. Monique! 🙂
I just hope to always know how & when to apply these practically.
Blessed to read this. I’m a Christian but just like everyone else, still on a process of constant change. I’d like to ask for an advise to my very common problem. I broke up with my boyfriend almost 2 yrs ago. He wasn’t a Christian then and I just started getting serious with my belief. To make long story short, God told me I will never be happy with him. That breakup made him decide to seek God too. He attended our church services and is now a follower of Christ as well. At first, it was very awkward and I never really liked seeing him at church but I got used to it and the annoyance I felt subsided and… now I’m starting to feel the love I had for him before after rejecting him several times even when he proposed. I was wondering, do you think God wants us to be back in each other’s arms again now that he’s a follower? Thank you for your reply and God bless!
Hi John & Monique,
Thanks to God, I happen to stumble upon your blog. How do I deal with my disappointment on myself that I have committed doing sin physically? I’m afraid I can’t moving on from my last relationship because he was the first person I’ve done sex with. To tell you the truth, I was raped by my (ex) boyfriend, because I was intimidated and without my consent, we did sex.
Please help me to have a point of view from the Bible. Help me on my self-esteem too. I’m too afraid I can’t let him go. Help me.
im realy confused.i had a general crush to this girl 4 years ago and i let her know,from there our feelings became intense.i grew up reckoning that its wrong to have a girlfriend therefore i started ignoring her which was in vain,,,i told her numerous times that i hate her and she was a bitch to make sure it sinks right in her head!!, also it was in vain coz every time i would find myself with her and totally in love with her,,sometimes i would really break her heart and hurt her diliberately to try and make her hate me!!, guess what?? she never did,she loved me,made sure i was consoled when i was down,,not only that but i would extremely miss her when shes gone..moreover shes the only girl who knows me completely like we share our brains and i know her too; mad and happy..through all this,this year i gave up hurting her,instead i have admitted to dearly love her and to marry her,i cant deny it anylonger,,i love her more than she knows,,problem is what am i going to do with the girlfriend i had just to hurt her,she loves me and even gave me her innocence,,because i really belong to the one i hurt for the past for years.