When Ezra was still in my womb, I declared that he would be the speaker of our house. It’s funny how at 3 years old – he really is as talkative as can be. As a matter of fact, Ezra before he sleeps winds down by talking. So after praying as a family. He settles down by rubbing his fingers around my ears. He then will talk about anything and everything. On this particular night he opens this very unique topic on marriage.
Ezra: Mom, when I grow up I am going to marry somebody.
Me: Son, I want you to marry a godly woman, okay? I don’t want you to have a headache. Find someone that loves God.
Ezra: Okay mommy. I don’t want to marry a zombie.
Me: Exactly why you need to choose a woman who loves God. A woman who doesn’t follow Jesus is a zombie (hahhaha).
Ezra: Im afraid of zombie … walking dead.
Me: Every person who doesn’t have a relationship with God is a walking dead. (They are alive but spiritually dead.)
Ezra (touching my face) : Don’t worry mommy. I will marry someone who loves God.
This is one of the memorable talks I had with my 3 years old. Pillow talks are great ways to share and impart your thoughts and values on life, on relationship, on your faith with your kids. It is a great privilege to have golden moments to have conversations such as this because you know you have unlocked and left something precious in their hearts. Of course, there will be a time to talk about this on a deeper discussion as he grows older. I hold dearly the wisdom from Proverbs 7 and here is a portion of what it says.
My son, keep my words
And treasure my commandments within you.
Keep my commandments and live,
And my teaching as the apple of your eye.
Bind them on your fingers;
Write them on the tablet of your heart.
Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”
And call understanding your intimate friend;
That they may keep you from an adulteress,
From the foreigner who flatters with her words.
In the twilight, in the evening,
In the middle of the night and in the darkness.
And behold, a woman comes to meet him,
Dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart.
She is boisterous and rebellious,
Her feet do not remain at home;
So she seizes him and kisses him
And with a brazen face she says to him:
“Therefore I have come out to meet you,
To seek your presence earnestly, and I have found you.
“Come, let us drink our fill of love until morning;
Let us delight ourselves with caresses.
“For my husband is not at home,
He has gone on a long journey;
He has taken a bag of money [n]with him,
At the full moon he will come home.”
With her many persuasions she entices him;
With her flattering lips she seduces him.
Suddenly he follows her
As an ox goes to the slaughter,
Or as one in fetters to the discipline of a fool,
Until an arrow pierces through his liver;
As a bird hastens to the snare,
So he does not know that it will cost him his life.
Now therefore, my sons, listen to me,
And pay attention to the words of my mouth.
Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways,
Do not stray into her paths.
Growing up in a fatherless home, I did not have these kinds of discussions. Thinking back, I honestly needed these kinds of conversations. In fact, I was made to believe that by my good grades – I would turn out to be okay. Take it from me, sports and academics do not guarantee raising a wise child. I am an example who excelled in school and was successful in the “world standards”. But if you look at my personal life, I was a failure because of the lack of training and coaching from a father. I praise God that through His word I personally learned about what’s is true success and what my purpose in life is. Today I am raising future leaders. John and I are committed to be intentional to model and guide them with what matters most.
I pray you find pillow talk moments with your kids. Talk about your dreams, your hopes in the Lord for your family and for them. Align them to God so that they know the heart of God. Pray with them. Remember, you can impact them the most when you spend more time with them.